Today, I felt appreciated. And it feels good even though it's small thing and the person probably didn't even realise how much it meant to me. It's end-of-the-year exams now and all of us teachers are up to our necks in marking. Have to finish by thu nite. Sometimes, in many little ways, i find that i have to make a conscious effort to be a good testimony in school. I'm far from perfect. When the work allocation for the marking first came out, i felt injustice because i felt i was given too much. Yes, i don't have another subject other than english to mark and so it seems like i have less. But teaching PE also comes with other disadvantages. I may not have marking that comes with it, but there are programmes i have to organise and i have to spend more afternoons conducting NAPFA tests, which other teachers don't have to do. I don't like it when other teachers assume that we PE teachers are very free. In fact, sometimes i think because there is that misconception, i'm given more work compared to other EL teachers. And it sometimes feels as if other teachers become really catty about it, like i ought to be penalised just becos i teach PE? Hate it when they gossip about it.

On top of this, i also felt injustice because the prelim exams for the sec 4 students were held earlier. Since i teach sec 4s, i had my fair share of marking before this EOY exams. However, it was not reflected in this particular EOY work allocation. And because things are not TRANSPARENT to all, it seems on the surface that teachers who teach sec 4s are doing less. I heard that in other schools, everything is stated in that EOY work allocation. So everyone knows how much everyone else is doing. I think this ought to be done. I suspect people have been yakking behind other ppl's backs, complaining about how little someone else is doing. How do i know? In a casual conversation with another senior teacher famous for bad-mouthing others, i mentioned that prelims marking ought to be put together with EOY marking (like in other schools) so everyone can see clearly what the REAL workload is like, otherwise ppl tend to misunderstand that sec 4 teachers mark less. She was visibly startled. As if she was guilty that i brought it up. Honestly, i had no idea if she said anything and i didn't bring it up with a motive. But her reaction was big and unnecessary. I couldn't help but think she must have been saying things as usual, although it may not have been directed at me.

Regardless of how i feel about the work allocation, the injustice and all, i kept quiet about it. Really i did. I did not go to the HOD because i know she's in a difficult position and there's always that fear that the other teachers who have more to mark at this one point of time may not finish in time. So i take it that i'm helping out. And i tried not to grumble about it too, convincing myself that i need to be a good christian witness. Just quietly do lor. And hope i wun die from it. I'm really slow at marking.

Today, my HOD and another colleague were talking within earshot of me. Another casual conversation. My HOD was talking about the marking and she mentioned me. Apparently she purposely spoke loud enough for me to hear, since it didn't matter whether i heard or not. And i was SO GLAD that she acknowledged openly in front of others, that she gave me MORE than my fair share of marking. It's a small thing but it makes a world of difference to be recongnised in that way. I spoke up then, mentioning that perhaps the prelims should be included in the EOY allocation. At first she misunderstood, thinking that i was saying that it was an unfair allocation, but i clarified, saying that it's not that i minded (yah, maybe in my heart i did mind, but i tried not to) but that other people who didn't know about the prelims might think we were skiving or something. She got a little agitated when she heard that. It appeared that she didn't realise that would happen. So she got a little upset that this might be the case. Said that she would call a meeting to address the issue and make sure ppl knew the true story. I figured that she had other issues on her mind that she was unhappy about and also wanted to clarify. Human tongues can be so scary huh? I feel this is my pitfall too. Have to try to grouse less. Makes me such an unhappy person that i go on and on about this or that. Must think happy thoughts.