27 January 2005
posted by j at 1/27/2005 11:56:00 AM

One thing i feel that God is speaking to me about is sensitivity to God's speaking...As i read Hudson Taylor's biography, it struck me how all these God-fearing men and women knew exactly what was on God's heart, what they were each specifically called to do in each occasion and how to go about doing it. These were BIG plans they were hatching to reach out to people, pioneering plans that none had gone about doing before. Yet, they were sure and confident of what God was calling them to do. No ambiguity.

I thought about the many times in my life when i felt confused, not knowing what God wanted of me. Reached many crossroads and did not know what God wanted me to do or where he wanted me to go. Perhaps some would say that there are many things that God says nothing specific about because He gives us the choice when it concerns a non-essential issue. I dunno, but i can't help wishing i were like these spiritual giants that i read about, knowing exactly what is on God's heart.

Another thing that i feel God has been impressing upon me is prayer. This happened thru reading Hudson Taylor as well as thru a recent sermon that Eric preached. Prayer is the offering up of our desires, according to God's will, in the name of Jesus Christ, with the confession of sins and in thankful acknowledgement of His mercies. It may not have been exactly what Eric said, but i think that is the gist of it. I believe that the reason why godly christians are able to know God's heart is because they are committed to prayer. Prayer to these missionaries was not a lip-service paid out of duty (the way we do sometimes). Prayer was asking from God their Father in faith, and believing that they would receive because they were asking in accordance with God's will. And it is amazing.. Because God does answer prayers! And in the most astounding ways sometimes. I admire so much the faith that these missionaries have. Someone once said to me, "they (as in the missionaries) have no choice but to believe and have faith." I thought about it and i don't quite agree. They do have a choice. They have the choice to not have faith, to not believe, and therefore to give up. But they did not choose to do that.

God's promises are so wonderful. When you give unto Him, He blesses you even more than what you expect. So many examples of when Hudson Taylor gave unto his brethren who needed money more than he did (and he only had enough money for 1 more meal), he gave and was provided for, more than what he gave. Don't you think this differs much from our current mentalities? The mentality that we grew up with...take care of ourselves first, want to give, give the extras. No extras? Then don't give. I confess, I struggle with this too.

It is all linked, don't u see? We should pray, believing that we will receive if it is in accordance with God's will. How to know God's will, what's on His heart? Pray, commune with Him, read His Word.

It's so clear and yet, at times, so hazy. Need to chew on this somemore. Looking forward to continuing with the book. Am at the part where he sets up CIM (China Inland Mission). Feel the excitement he must have gone through. The kind that takes your breath away, like when a cold wind blows past.
 
26 January 2005
posted by j at 1/26/2005 01:30:00 PM



Tis the book I've been actively reading these days...presently about halfway through. Rather thick, so will take some time to finish.

Have been really inspired and touched by Hudson Taylor's life story. Even tho I'm only halfway through, it's enough to impress me. Ever since he was converted, he gave his all to God, selflessly and without holding anything back. He truly was burdened by things that were on God's heart and had such love and compassion for the inland Chinese.

Cannot even express adequately the thoughts that went thru my mind as i read the book. There were many times while reading that i felt so touched i was close to tears. I wish I could be just a fraction of the christian he is, or have a fraction of the love he had for God and for God's people.

 
25 January 2005
posted by j at 1/25/2005 04:56:00 PM

Discovered to my horror that I somehow managed to delete most of my blog's template..don't ask me HOW...And what's better? I didn't save the most updated template html anyway. Only have the old one...don't ask me WHY. Spent VERY LONG getting it up again. Most blurry-eyed and tired now. So am not gonna blog very much today. Bubye. Going home to pass out for a while.
 
24 January 2005
posted by j at 1/24/2005 06:30:00 PM

Always dreamed of doing THAT. Never had the guts and never thought about how to go about making it a reality. Not a big dream. Just a dream. Something i wonder about a lot. Mebbe less now cos somehow as we age, dreams seem less real. Less possible. Then perhaps if and when we do marry and have kids, we force these dreams upon our kids...make them fulfil what we could not. Hmm.. Once, i plucked up the courage to try, just a small step in a small way. Many aspects. Many ways of starting to do down that road towards that dream you know. Short of it is, i failed. Did badly because i was not confident. A friend asked me to try again. I'm still considering. It's been 4 months since that first failure. Then again, i'm not sure if it's something God would want me to do. If i were to try again, i'd have to put in some time to...kinda prepare. Not sure i have that. Time is a luxury now. So tired now. Not sure I can drag myself to do that prep and put myself through failure again. Is it that important? Are there other ways to dream? Can i make up for the rest and sleep i'll have to forgo if i wanna go through with it? I dunno. Need to think. *dribbles incoherently*
 
posted by j at 1/24/2005 06:19:00 PM

I'll be forced work in a while...the place will be closed at 6.30pm. As i pack up, i look around me and cannot help but notice the two piles of exercise books waiting for me to mark...that would be 2x40 books. In addition, another 3 sets of test papers came in today...3x40. That has to be done by fri. And i've yet to prepare the class test i'm supposed to give next week. Sigh. Dunno how i'm gonna produce all that work. So tired. Last thing i wanna do is work. Wed and Fri supp to bring the badminton players out for a match. Which means no time for work again.. man! Reckon i'm gonna go home and pass out...again. Vision's blurring again. Part and parcel now.
 
19 January 2005
posted by j at 1/19/2005 05:18:00 PM

Aptly describes how i feel right now as i leave work...



tata everyone...zzz..
 
posted by j at 1/19/2005 05:01:00 PM

Looking for a missing bus plate anyone?? The thief...



Further along the cubicle wall...cool stuff...but wait...what's THAT on the right??!



Let's get a closer look at that THING...


Euuww....anyone know what it is??
 
posted by j at 1/19/2005 04:59:00 PM

For booklovers out there...

For those bookworms who have seen some books around in Popular and stuff, but weren't sure whether to try them or not, i've put up a small list of books i've read, as well as books i'm currently reading. Have rated my feeds, hope they're useful =). Lemme know if you'd like to borrow them...

p.s. These bks are listed in the sidebar, somewhere in the middle of the page, so u'd have to scroll down a lil. Look under Literary Feeds and Current Reads.
 
posted by j at 1/19/2005 02:50:00 PM




Something a colleague put up to encourage me...hee. He's a PE teacher.
 
17 January 2005
posted by j at 1/17/2005 11:39:00 PM

Was chatting with H when i was reminded of an incident which happened when i was helping out at a childcare centre during the hols.

Kai is one of the kids at the centre. Caught my attention first day i was there. How not to? He's slightly autistic. Lives in a world of his own. Sometimes doesn't even respond to his name. Has no concept of social norms and therefore has no real friends. But for some strange reason, i really liked him.

So, one day, we were all seated at the kids' table waiting for lunch to be served. There were 2 tables and there were about 8 students per table. I was at the same table as Kai. Next to him was Ronald and next to Ronald was Xiong. While i was serving them bowls of noodles, i couldn't help but notice Kai vigorously picking his nose. With gusto, if i might add... Cos' afterall, he has no concept of what's nice and what's not so nice to do...at lunchtime... And obviously, if i could not help but notice this scene, neither could Ronald and Xiong. The look of horror on their faces that slowly gave way to disgust, was priceless. You could literally see the cogs turning in their tiny 5-year old brains.

As they watched in horror and fascination (Kai was oblivious to it all), Kai slowly and delicately took his finger out of his nostril, a slither of gooey stuff trailing from that unfortunate finger. Kai stared at his finger with an unmistakeable look of pure fascination and curiosity, then.... stuck that same finger in his mouth.

"Yeeeeeee......!!!" yelled the two boys....Kai was still oblivious to the commotion he had caused. Both of them jumped out of their chairs. I had to snap myself out of my observer's view (interesting as it was)and calm the kids down. By then, lunch was served and i managed to get the two witnesses of the scene to sit down in their chairs again. Xiong then leant over to Ron at this point of time and said loudly in mandarin, "You still want to sit next to him ah?" At this, Ronald hurriedly moved his chair noisily away from the object of scorn, the look of disgust still on his face. I had to stifle a laugh.

epilogue: For those who are wondering...yes, i did insist on Kai going to the toilet to wash his hands before having his lunch.
 
posted by j at 1/17/2005 11:13:00 PM

Some of you have been asking what my new workspace looks like...well, nothing to brag about, but it's a lot better than what we had before. (think sardines squashed in a can...) What say we were so packed that the boss INVITED a certain big shot from another school to come see the miracle...of how he managed to squeeze so many into one room. You raise your eyebrows in disbelief? Well, believe it. There's plenty more horror stories where that came from.

Anyways...back to the point. Here's what my workspace looks like...



Would u just look at the number of files i have?? Disgusting.
Think it's messy do u? Hey! It's the neatest i could get it already!



My colleagues say i have the best seat in the office. In the corner next to the walls. Hidden and more privacy. Others are surrounded by 4 to 8 other colleagues in plain sight lor.



My message board abused by silly colleagues, who WOULD drop by from far away just to leave me such messages. Sigh. Bought it with the intention of allowing others to leave me IMPORTANT messages when i'm not at my table lor.
 
posted by j at 1/17/2005 10:25:00 PM


My New Toy... heh...am most pleased...



Open Sesame!

Got it second-hand actually. But considering that the previous owner only bought it on the 26th of Dec, think it's a pretty good deal. Afterall, there's still more than 11 months warranty. May not have many fancy functions, but it's enuf for me. Simple people like me need only simple pleasures in life...

p.s. in case you're thinking what a spendthrift i am, I'm not ok!! Only got a new one cos my old one kept giving me probs. Am pretty faithful when it comes to phones. Generally don't even look at other phones if mine is serving me well. So there!
 
posted by j at 1/17/2005 01:34:00 PM

Yup..i've got a new idol...His name is Elisha...heh. Unfortunately, he died more than 2000 years ago...

Have been doing my Bible reading from 1 Kings. Read about Elisha in chapter 19 and was very impressed by how willing he was to drop EVERYTHING just to follow Elijah. According to a commentary, it is supposed that Elisha came from a relatively rich family. Yet, when Elijah threw his cloak around him (as a symbol of making Elisha his successor as God's messenger), Elisha was ready to leave all he had to follow Elijah.

The Bible says, Elisha "...took his yoke of oxen and slaughtered them. He burned the plowing equipment to cook the meat and gave it to the people, and they ate. Then he set out to follow Elijah and became his attendant."

Can you imagine? He had 12 yokes of oxen. That's 24 oxen! He slaughtered them all, burnt the equipment to use as 'firewood' for cooking the oxen he slaughtered! He didn't even try to sell the meat to get 'back-up' cash in case following Elijah didn't work out for him. He didn't slaughter some and keep some, just in case. He didn't keep his equipment in the storeroom, just in case. This rich guy with his own field and 24 oxen (that's a whole lot of meat!!) and his own plowing equipment dropped everything and followed an older man. Not only that, he became Elijah's ATTENDANT! phew...

Started thinking about this in the modern day context. It means when God calls us to the mission field, we say bye to our parents and relatives, submit our resignation letter at work immediately, selling our laptops... and if we are doctors that would mean also burning the err..stethoscope, thermometers and stuff?? If we are teachers, it would mean burning or giving away our resources, assessment books and other teacherly wares (whoppieee!)... heh. yeah. can u imagine? Oh, and selling our $300,000 worth HDB flat (for those blessed enough to have it) and giving the money away to NKF or Salvation Army or something... mind-boggling isn't it? Feel the pinch already d'ya??

All these Elisha did without questions, without second thoughts, without regrets.
Is he your idol too already??

(For the full story, pls see here)
 
14 January 2005
posted by j at 1/14/2005 06:08:00 PM

Btw, this is a TRUE STORY ok... sheesh...people are actually asking me if its fiction. hmph!
 
posted by j at 1/14/2005 01:54:00 PM

This happened 2 days after the teacher decided on a seating arrangement for her class.

Boy: Teacher! Teacher! Can I change seats please?

Teacher: No! You have to learn to sit with other people. Can't sit with your friends all the time.

Boy: No, but you don't understand...I HAVE to change seats!

Teacher: Why? Give me a good reason.

Boy: I..I....I just have to change seats!

Teacher: Nope. You just have to stick to your seat unless you can give me a good reason.

Boy: The girl next to me is distracting me...I can't concentrate on the lesson.

Teacher: (disbelievingly) How, may i ask, is she doing that??

Boy: She...uh....she keeps digging her nose in class! I just can't concentrate!

Teacher:
(shocked and trying not to snigger) Oh...erm...

(to be continued...)
 
posted by j at 1/14/2005 01:23:00 PM

"I'll never quite look at THAT GIRL in the same way again..."

(Memoirs of a school teacher)
 
posted by j at 1/14/2005 01:15:00 PM

1 day after "Conversations with 13 year olds (Part I)"...

Boy: Teacher! Teacher! So can i change seats please??

Teacher: (not sure whether to give in) just try and ignore her lah, somebody has to sit with her anyway right? Why don't you try and tell her not to do it, nicely?

Boy: Huh??...I can't...teacher, it's getting worse. I'm not getting enough table space!

Teacher: (with a quizzical look) Huh? Why??

Boy: She wipes her mucus on my side of the table!!

(In a state of unbelief yet refusing to give in so easily lest it be a ruse, the teacher decided to observe things in class before making a decision...)
 
09 January 2005
posted by j at 1/09/2005 10:53:00 PM

Was taking a bus to meet some friends when I started noticing some names... you know, of shops and places? Yeah, well, I started wondering why there is a difference in names between modern-day shops and olden ones. Olden shops were usually named after the one who set it up. For example, Yeo Hiap Seng and stuff... Shops were names after their owners. Or, they could be named after the road they are found on. Like err.. Toa Payoh chicken rice or something. Heh. NOW, however, shops are named something catchy or witty...usually a hybrid of two existing words which describe the wonderful result of buying their product or something like that. It could be something stupid and unoriginal like "Delicious Food Court" or it could be something better, like "AceKidz" for an educational establishment.

Wondered if this change has anything to do with the direction society is heading. Do you think there are any implications to this? Mmm...perhaps it has got to do with the growing consumerism? People now aim to give consumers what they want? Maybe i'm just thinking too much. Wonder why it seems that to give a shop your own name is quite an obiang thing to do now...
 
posted by j at 1/09/2005 10:39:00 PM

I've always known i'm weird
Sometimes I can't even believe I'd have the thoughts I do
Strange...but then again, if I were another person looking at myself, i'd think it's kinda interesting.

On New Year's eve, i started wondering. You know how there are certain things we've always wanted to do at some point of time or other, but for some reason we don't? Usually it's cos these things come with certain consequences. It could be good and it could be bad. But because you feel you can't deal with the bad consequence so you restrain yourself. Yet, at the same time, you can't help wondering if...what if...the result was positive. But then, you'd never know, cos you didn't have the guts to try.

Well, back to the story... on New Year's eve, i started wondering. If only things could be RESET on the first day of the new year. That means we could all do whatever we always wanted to do on New Year's eve, just to see what the results would be: positive or negative. Then within a day, the consequences would be reset, and back to what it was before you made that scary decision. SOOooo, if the result was negative, next day, reset, and things would be made alright again. And at least you know what would have been and rest assured that the present state was for the best. If, however, the result was good, on New Year's eve, and the next day things were reset, you'd be able to do it again on New Year's day and the good consequence would last! Ha... not sure if you understand what i mean...

Weird you reckon?

So many things I wanna do..so many things i wanna say to some people...no guts. Rather be safe than sorry. Gonna hold it in cos dun wanna regret and dun wanna get hurt. Status quo is good. For now, at least.
 
posted by j at 1/09/2005 10:36:00 PM

Through the years I've learnt
That God is in control
And like the sun after the storm
He will come shining through

Yes, I know His love for me
Is greater than my anxiety
Like a child in His arms
He will carry me through
 
08 January 2005
posted by j at 1/08/2005 01:58:00 AM

"During an English class, we had a special visitor. An impressive-looking middle-aged American officer came in uniform to give us a talk on Pearl Harbour. He was a chain-smoker and our whole class was fascinated as we watched him. While his sentences were being translated by our English teacher, he would take a deep drag on his cigarette and, after an interval, let the smoke slowly escape from his nostrils.

At the end of his speech, we clapped politely. He then asked if there were any questions. There was a pause.

'Surely,' he coaxed, 'one of you young ladies must be curious about something!' He took another drag on his cigarette. We stared at the tendrils of smoke coming out of his nose.

Finally after another embarrassing lull, Wu Chun-mei raised her hand.

'Now, here is a brave young girl!' he exclaimed. 'What is your question, my dear?'

'I hope you don't mind,' Wu Chun-mei asked in her flawless English. 'But can you make the smoke come out of your ears too?'"

(extract from Chinese Cinderella by Adeline Yen Mah)
 
07 January 2005
posted by j at 1/07/2005 08:51:00 PM

Have you ever wished real hard for something? And when you didn't think chances of ever getting it was very high, you settled for something less and could not stop wondering if you made a mistake?

Or have you wished hard for something and when you got it, you realize to your dismay that there's this other thing that is more important to have? And then when you chase after that other important thing, you find that having that important thing just ain't sufficient...

Humans are just so hard to please...sorry God. I wish too, that i knew just what it is i really need...
 
04 January 2005
posted by j at 1/04/2005 11:52:00 PM

The new year, coupled with the disaster that has happened over the rest of Southeast Asia, has unearthed in me a desire for change. Seeing the efforts that are going out towards the victims of the tidal waves and such, makes me want to be out there helping with simple manual chores like carrying and packing. If it weren't for the nature of my work, i'd be really tempted to call the volunteer hotline.

In addition, now that only a year and a half remains for my bond, i am thinking about what to do after that. Should i continue in my present capacity or move somewhere else? A few things i have been thinking of... Rather wanted to do a short stint of a few months teaching English in another country. Thought of Thailand actually. For a while, i thought of taking tuition as a full-time job. But that was when i supposed i'd be settling down eventually. Don't think tho that this will happen in the near future, so am looking further now. As in across the seas to other countries. Heh.

Thought also of changing lines. Slightly. Do counselling or something. But that would require more studying and possibly cash. Sigh. Always wanted to work in the medical field actually. Not sure if i have the tenacity to go thru with this path tho. Would need lotsa patience, determination, diligence, and well, cash.

I guess i should really start praying about this. Time passes real fast, as we all know by now. What would really be scary is to find ourselves with the same ole sickening feeling we get at the end of a year sometimes. The feeling that we've achieved nothing of worth and lived unfulfilled and meaningless lives, filled only with enjoyment, leisure, regrets and sin. Need to be more evaluative of my life and more reliant on God's mercy and power. Need to trust that God has a purpose for what I go through and for my life. Need to remember that i am a child of God.

16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Need to fix my eyes on what is unseen and eternal. Need to see problems in its true light. Need to renew myself day by day. Need God.
 
posted by j at 1/04/2005 11:10:00 PM

"Do you think that it is a terrible thing to hope when there is really no reason to hope at all? Or is it...something that you might as well do, since, in the end, it really makes no difference to anyone but you?"

The Tale of Despereaux
 
posted by j at 1/04/2005 04:07:00 PM

School has finally started...again. Could not help feeling excited amidst the sense of apprehension. Perhaps having been in the education line for at least over a year has helped to calm me somewhat. I'm not quite so panicky as i was before. And i can sleep a lot better the night before as well. Thank God.

The new year found me still in some state of anxiety however. Being a year older makes me feel...well...OLD. But let's not go into that. Somehow, i'd been so busy being tidy and clean in the area of my household that i'd forgotten to clean up my walk with God. Feel left behind. Or rather, think i left God behind. I'm sorry God. But God, being the merciful God He is, has blessed us all with a new year to make amends, to make things aright, to start anew and to have another shot at letting God find us faithful when He comes again.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- His good, pleasing and perfect will. (Romans 12:2)

This shall be my theme verse for the new year. Want to be transformed by the renewing of my mind. Want to fill my mind and thoughts with God's Word. Can't wait to start bible study again. Feel like the break has caused my mind to rot somewhat. I'm thankful though for the physical rest.

As for resolutions for the new year...really wanna strive at some particular things. Have always struggled with them. And with all honesty, i prob shall still struggle with these things for the whole of my life. But it doesn't mean i should stop struggling.

Will always remember what Cecilia said. Those who are truly born again, those who are God's children, will love God, love his Word and love His people. What shame i felt when i heard that. And what fear and anxiety. So these are my resolutions...

Love God
1. To really focus on God this year. To seek Him FIRST. (Matt 6:33)
2. To run to Him first, instead of to Man.

Love His Word
3. To be more diligent in reading and reflecting on His Word. e.g. Bible reading plan and scripture memory (Ps 119:9,11)

Love His People
4. To look to the interests of others first. (Phil 2:3-4)

May God help me...