27 February 2007
posted by j at 2/27/2007 12:00:00 PM

Today I was encouraged. I've heard quite a bit about a certain student in one of my classes who has been having family problems. These problems show up quite obviously in class even though this student is not a troublemaker. I just feel so sad and sorry for him/her when I see him/her so discouraged and always putting himself/herself down. Always being so negative and having the quitter's attitude, thinking there's no hope and nobody cares. Just felt strongly that he/she needs help, but I didn't know how to help because I'm not very close to him/her. I tried to show some concern in class, ask some questions, but he/she didn't really reciprocate. Probably took it as nagging, I guess. Anyways, so last week I got mad with the entire gang of students from that class who came in late. It was a recurring problem so I decided it was time to let them have it. I got the bunch outside the class and shelled them properly, not even bothering to keep my voice down in the corridor. Honestly, I was so mad, I couldn't have cared less if the P heard me. Then, after I had calmed down, I singled them out one-by-one and told them what about their behaviour I was disappointed with over the past 2 months. And then I sent them back to class one by one. Then, I saw my chance, I chose to send him/her back last so that I could have the chance to encourage him/her in private. Told him/her a lot of stuff. How I know that it hasn't been easy with all the problems. How he/she does have potential and it would be a waste to give up at this juncture. He/she said something which made me sad, and I realised that the blow from dropping down to Normal Academic stream from the Express stream impacted him/her quite a lot and made him/her feel useless and hopeless. My heart was screaming out against this revelation. Taking a year more to do the course does NOT make him/her a failure! But having that attitude of passiveness and fatality definitely would aid that. I tried my best. Honestly, I can't remember what I said to him/her, but I did sense that he was listening. Even struggling to convince himself/herself that perhaps there really was something inside him/her that was worth it all.

I don't know if our little talk helped for sure. But today I read his/her blog and he/she mentioned the incident, and I think he/she was encouraged to hear that someone believes in him/her, believes that he/she has potential, believes that if he/she puts in effort he/she will not fail. On some level, I think he/she needed to hear that, after all that negative thinking. A tiny part of me believes that he/her was touched and perhaps he/she can be 'saved' after all. I sincerely pray so.
 
posted by j at 2/27/2007 11:55:00 AM

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood.... - Ephesians 6:12

Have you ever heard someone say, "I will never do business with another Christian"? I hear this comment quite often in my dealings with Christian workplace believers. This comment represents the battle that rages against us by the enemy of our soul to destroy the witness and effectiveness of Christian workplace believers. We must realize that we are in a war - a war for the souls of men, a war to discredit all that a Christian stands for, a war that is designed to divide Christian against Christian.

Satan's ploy in the life of Christian workplace believers is to do several things to make them ineffective as soldiers in the workplace. First, he wants to discredit them by allowing them to fail other people in their professional services. This often shows up in failing to perform what they committed to do or performing in an unsatisfactory way. Sometimes, this is a result of a downright failure of the workplace believer to perform with excellence. In other cases, it may be a misunderstanding in the midst of the service that causes strife and division instigated by the enemy.

The result in both cases is the same: a division among Christians and even non-Christians, further resulting in a damaged witness for Christ. The apostle Peter admonishes us to "live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day He visits us" (1 Pet. 2:12).

There are times when each of us is thrust into situations out of our control. Sometimes this results in our inability to pay a bill on time, or to deliver a service. Defeating satan in these battles requires extra communication with those with whom we are dealing. If the motive of your heart is to do right, then God will give you favor in order to work through these difficult spots. Ask God today to show you where the enemy is seeking to make you ineffective.

We wage a spiritual war that is not flesh and blood. We must fight this war with spiritual weapons applied to practical daily living.

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Thank you God, for the timely reminder...grant me godly wisdom and the desire and perseverance to do right, in spite of what I think ought to be done right by me.

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many. (Mark 10:45)
 
26 February 2007
posted by j at 2/26/2007 03:35:00 PM

Seeing Through God's Eyes

They mourned and wept and fasted till evening for Saul and his son Jonathan, and for the army of the Lord and the house of Israel, because they had fallen by the sword. - 2 Samuel 1:12

How would you respond if you heard something bad happened to someone who had been trying to cut off your head for several years? King Saul had been seeking to kill David for many years before Saul was thrust into battle against the Amalekites. In this final battle, a sword killed Saul. When the news reached David, instead of rejoicing that his enemy was no longer a problem for him, he responded in a totally different manner. He mourned. Imagine that; he mourned for the one who sought to kill him.

This is a sign of one who can look past an individual who is the source of pain and consider how God views him. God looks on that individual and sees his needs and knows why he responds the way he does. When we begin to see people as God does, we'll no longer look at them as enemies, but as souls in need of grace. This is how Jesus could give of His life for us. He saw our great need, not what we did to Him. When someone wrongs you, do you seek to retaliate, or do you pray to understand the need behind the offender's actions? For several years a person was a source of constant pain and retaliation toward me. There was nothing I could do to change it. God allowed me to go beyond the person's actions to understand what was the source of his need. When I gained that understanding, God gave me a picture of this person inside a prison cell and in bondage. This bondage made him respond to life in this way. I was able to pray for him and genuinely love him in spite of the fact that he persecuted me. This is the kind of love Jesus wants us to have when He tells us to love our enemies and pray for those who spitefully use us.

I believe God does a special work of grace in those who go beyond the realm of normal response to persecution. He brings us to a level of grace we never thought possible. Describing how God worked in Joseph's life, Francis Frangipane reveals what happens when we tap into this grace:

God made him fruitful in the very things that afflicted him. In the land of your affliction, in your battle, is the place where God will make you fruitful. Consider, even now, the area of greatest affliction in your life. In that area, God will make you fruitful in such a way that your heart will be fully satisfied, and God's heart fully glorified. God has not promised to keep us from valleys and sufferings, but to make us fruitful in them.

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Fruitful Suffering

..."It is because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering." - Genesis 41:52

Joseph named his second son Ephraim. Ephraim was given to him after he had been delivered from his suffering of 13 years. Joseph said that he named him this because God had made him fruitful in the land of his suffering. Ephraim means "twice fruitful."

Joseph was fruitful in two instances. He was fruitful during his time of adversity and in his prosperity. When God brings us into a time of suffering, it can be a fruitful time. It's rare for us to see the fruit during the suffering period. But know that the roots are going deep into the spiritual soil of our soul because of our pressing in to God during our time of suffering. This is producing a work in our character that cannot be seen until it finishes the process. Such was the case for Joseph.

It was not until several years after such a time of suffering that I began to see the fruit of the trials that the Lord allowed me to experience. How grateful I am to understand some of the "why" that has led to a new life in Him that I would never have had without this period.

Samson had great anointing but lacked character. We see many today who have great anointing yet lack character. But God is rising up Josephs who not only have great anointing for these days but also great character. Suffering produces character.

If you find yourself in a time of suffering, now is the time to press into God. Let your roots grow deeper. Whenever there is a famine, tree roots are forced to drive deeper into the soil to find water. These times are designed to create such a deep-rooted faith that our natures will be changed forever.
 
22 February 2007
posted by j at 2/22/2007 11:57:00 PM

You're Faithful Lo...


Came across this song on a website. An original song composed by a christian from CEFC. Have been ministered to by much of his sharing and his songs in particular. Could not stop the tears from flowing freely when I heard it and saw the lyrics. I thank God for His gift of music. Music never fails to touch my heart and cheer me up. As I sang along in the midst of my tears, I could feel His love and promise of His faithfulness wash over me like a warm wave. My wounds may not have been completely healed, but I know God has personally and gently touched my heart and my soul with His soothing balm that brings healing and new life. Thank you Lord.

For those out there who are in need of healing...

YOU'RE FAITHFUL, LORD

Jesus
You've searched me
You know what I'm going through
You see deep inside of me
The torn and tattered parts

Teach me to trust
In all my circumstances
That Lord, You know what's best
You hold the future
In Your sovereign hand
In You I can depend

You're faithful Lord
You're faithful Lord
You see me through the seasons
Through it all
And though I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of death
I'll fear no evil
For You are with me

You're faithful Lord
You're faithful Lord
You carry me through times
When I can't see
When all else seems to fail me
I will pray and be still
And feel the hand
That's holding onto mine

(p.s. there's a bit of a problem with the back part of the track. Can't be helped. Was already like that when I downloaded it from the original place. Do excuse that portion.)
 
21 February 2007
posted by j at 2/21/2007 10:54:00 AM

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Phil 2:3-4)


In your so-called pursuit of God, in saying that you were going to concentrate on God, did these verses never occur to you? I don't think you even stopped to think about the interests of others. And why? Because it "felt right". Not because you were convinced that that was what God wanted for you. Did you even consult God? I doubt. Because like you said, it "just happened". If you did ask God, I know what His answer would be. Because He knows very well that it can wait, and because He knows how it would hurt His child. I put myself in your position. For the sake of a brother or sister-in-christ, I would wait, because what God wants to give you will be yours no matter how long, and no matter what you do. And most importantly, because waiting would be a loving action on my part. And for this reason, even if it "felt right" to you, it was not. If it was, there wouldn't be so many people feeling the injustice of your unloving action.

You say your intention was noble. You want to preserve our friendship. By what you did? I don't see how. All you have done is effectively drive me permanently away. A friendship cannot be built without trust. Right now, there is zero trust. You know, things would have been very different if you had sought God as you said you would. If you did, you would have waited. If you had waited, I would have given you my blessings and our friendship would have been preserved. But because you didn't, my and many others' regard for you is gone. I no longer respect you, nor even covet your friendship. Not even on a basic level.

You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself."

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. (Gal 5:13-14,16-17)


If your conscience was clear, you would have no problems telling everyone. Not just those close to you. If your conscience was clear, you would not be afraid people would be angry with you. And you know what the joke is? You're more afraid that those indirectly involved would be angry, than the one you directly injured. And you say you are concerned about preserving the friendship. Gee...can you blame me for not believing your words anymore?

You're just as bad as THEM, if not worse. At least they never came close enough to gain my trust and then hurl it back in my face.
 
16 February 2007
posted by j at 2/16/2007 03:43:00 PM

I've thought about it, although I tried hard not to. But I guess it's only human to want to make sense of things that happen to and around us. Now, a lot of things make a lot more sense. Now I know why you acted the way you do and why you were different from previous times. It's not because you're stronger. I don't know if you're deliberately lying or whether you're in denial. No matter how right you think it feels, it doesn't change the fact that you have become a person who doesn't keep your word. And for that, I no longer respect you.

Perhaps you have a short memory. Or maybe just a selective one. Just too bad for you, I took what you said seriously, things you apparently forgot when the circumstances suited you. And when I see your actions contradict your words, I am disappointed. Disappointed because I trusted you so much. Disappointed in myself for not keeping the guard I had up in the beginning but did not have the fortitude to let it stay up. Because of your persistence, I allowed the guard to come down little by little. I thought you were different from the other people I knew. Now, I know....there is no difference. Nevertheless, as in all things, there are lessons to learn. Thank you for teaching me that only God is constant, only God does not change his mind, only God keeps the promises He makes all the time, and only God is totally and always trustworthy. Not even a fraction can be said the same for man. Not one. And definitely not you.

I remember what Auntie Annette said. Many times christians look up to other christians or to man. And when they don't meet their expectations, they become disappointed with God because His people did not show themselves to be godly and trustworthy stewards. Hence, because of these christians, they fall away, bitter and disappointed. I'm daily reminding myself not to make this same mistake. Because if I were to be like these people, looking up to other christians around, I'd drop out of church because people like you would have marred my perception of what christians ought to be. But I won't. Because up to now, God has not failed me and I know He would never. But I don't think I could ever look you in the eye and have the same high regard for you as I once did.
 
15 February 2007
posted by j at 2/15/2007 07:56:00 AM

Sleepless nights and nausea are back again...
Why do people you thought were your friends build their happiness on your sorrow?
 
posted by j at 2/15/2007 12:25:00 AM

Sinking once more...
 
12 February 2007
posted by j at 2/12/2007 11:44:00 PM

Last week, a colleague of mine came to me for some advice. (It's not that I'm experienced, it's just that a large proportion of the teachers in my school are young and inexperienced, so my 3 years of experience is considered not bad. Heh) She's a young contract teacher, currently waiting to go NIE for training. She was given a form class for the first time. A sec 1 class. Very cute and lively. Some of them at least. She was having one problem with a handful of them apparently. She showed me a handwritten letter from one of the boys in her class. It was basically a letter of complaint, stating the names of perpetrators of name-calling and loud quarrelling in class during lessons. It seemed this had been going on for some time and other than to scold or talk to these monkeys, this teacher was at her wits' end as to what else to do with them. She tried changing their seats such that some were at the back of the class, while the rest were in front, thinking that separating them might reduce the frequency of the name-calling which almost always resulted in loud shouting matches. However, this only served to increase the volume of the shouting matches since now that they were further from one another, they proceeded to shout even LOUDER. Gee...this was a toughie. Apparently no amount of scolding, pep-talking or threats made any lasting difference. And so, she asked me what to do.

I realised it wasn't easy giving advice on how to deal with students because in this case, I didn't KNOW her students personally. It's kinda like a doctor having to give a diagnosis based on a verbal recount of symptoms experienced by a patient he didn't get to examine for himself. I need to have some contact with the student so I can roughly gauge what sort of 'treatment' might work. Different approaches work better with different people. You kinda find that out along the way. So, this was a toughie.

Off the top of my head, I gave her 2 options. One, give these monkeys a specific consequence to a certain action. Scoldings alone rarely work for long. I always feel the more hardcore students don't really LEARN their lesson that way. They learn their lesson better when you attach a punishment they hate to the action you want them to stop. The example I gave her was to send an email out to all the subject teachers of the class, bringing their attention to this problem and to request them to note down these culprits' names in the Class Diary if they start their nonsense during lessons. Every time their names are down in the Diary, they have to do an hour of detention. And this can be accumulated over the week. So 5 times means 5 hours of detention. Two, let them do what they want. Since they like to shout and quarrel so much, let them do it all they want, but the teacher sets the limit on the duration. I told her to book a room after school hours, say 2 or 3 hours, get the monkeys there and FORCE them to do their name-calling and shouting non-stop for that 2-3 hours. Since they like to shout and quarrel so much, let them.But they can't stop until the time is up, if not, they can't leave till even later in the afternoon. AND, they had to quarrel in front of the teacher. (Can't leave them alone, baaaaaad things might happen)

I left her to think things through and try whatever she wanted.

Today, she told me what she did. Apparently she carried out BOTH my suggestions. Ha. She left them in the classroom to quarrel and shout. All 8 of them. At first they didn't dare to shout in front of the teacher, but then when they warmed up, they really got heated. The noise they made was deafening. They shouted for one and a half hours non-stop, yelling at the top of their voices, at the end of which they lost their voices. Haha... After the shouting match, the other suggestion was implemented. Detention upon shouting.

Conclusion of the matter? I asked her if it worked. She said now whenever she mentions that incident to the boys, they tell her not to talk about it. Talking about it reminds them of how painful their throats got and how they lost their voices. Hahaa... I guess it worked somewhat. Hahahaaa....but for how long i'm not sure.

Nevertheless, I'm pleased =)
 
06 February 2007
posted by j at 2/06/2007 11:01:00 PM

A child had been working hard to create the most beautiful birthday card he could make for his mom. He started weeks in advance. Cutting and pasting shapes, doing and redoing, drawing and redrawing... It was tedious, but it would all be worth it. Or so he thought. His mom's birthday finally came. He carefully slid the card into the envelope he had painstakingly painted two days before. He had it all ready in his hands and was just waiting for his mom to get home. Meanwhile, he had his friends over for tea. An idea struck him. He would show his handiwork to his friends. Yeah, that seemed like a good idea. He was proud of his handiwork, and he wanted to share it with his friends. Excitedly, he gathered them round the table, gingerly placed the envelope and its contents in the middle of the table and pulled the card out gently. It's not that he expected 'Oooh's and 'Aaahhh's, but what he did not expect was a silence, followed by tentative queries of "what's that?", "what's this funny-looking picture? or " Are you sure the green goes with the blue?". Worse still, there were statements like, "the envelope looks better than the card" and "maybe you shouldn't give her this card, perhaps just the envelope...haha.."

He felt deflated. No, that was an understatement. Suddenly the card didn't seem like such a good idea anymore. He didn't really feel like giving Mom the card anymore. Neither did he think he would ever want to make a card for anyone again. It would be much easier to buy one, and less painful.

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Today, I felt like this child. Flattened, belittled and discouraged. Suddenly scrutiny in checking for accuracy in truth presented became critical behaviour in other people's eyes. Somehow my zeal for things often become misconstrued. What people don't know is that sometimes putting the brakes on my zeal is not viewed as an act of prudence. It's poking a pin into my tyres. I think i'd be more careful with voicing my views and concerns in future.
 
posted by j at 2/06/2007 11:35:00 AM

Today, as I watched a presentation on a school trip to Korea, a sudden wave of envy swept over me. I want to go travelling too. Feels so long since I last saw a new place and experienced new sights. I love going to a new country. The feeling is so exhilarating! As we viewed the photos of the snow in Korea, I could almost smell the crisp, cool air and feel the chill and excitement of being in a new place. I really felt as if I was there! Coming back to reality was somewhat of a disappointment. And then my next thought was, "Hey...I wanna go on a holiday...to a new place....not Thailand or Cambodia or Malaysia...". And then the following thought was, "Gee...who's going to go with me?"
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Dear God, I'm still waiting. I know it'll be one of my best mails from You yet. I just hope the postman won't take forever.
 
02 February 2007
posted by j at 2/02/2007 11:05:00 AM

The donkey said to Balaam, "Am I not your own donkey, which you have always ridden, to this day?" - Numbers 22:30

Most workplace believers I know tend to be task-oriented, motivated visionaries. And they will do just about anything to make their projects successful. This great strength can, if not properly bridled by the Holy Spirit, be a great weakness in their ability to fulfill God's will in their life.

Sometimes we want something to succeed so much that we fail to listen to that little voice inside trying to warn us by directing us on a different path. Such was the case of Balaam. He started out as a man of God, but then took the path of a "prophet-for-hire." God was not pleased with Balaam's decision to respond to a pagan king's request that he curse Israel. As Balaam rode his donkey to keep his appointment with the king, God sent the angel of the Lord to stand in the way and oppose Balaam. Although Balaam did not see the angel, his donkey did. Three times the donkey turned from the path and three times Balaam beat the animal in anger. Finally, the donkey turned around, and to Balaam's shock and amazement, began to speak to him, admonishing his master for beating him. Imagine a donkey talking to you! He warned Balaam of the angel of death who was standing in the road with a sword drawn, ready to kill Balaam if he continued.

There are times when pushing harder, trying to manipulate the circumstance, or pressing those around you is not the response to have to the roadblock. God may be trying to have you reconsider your ways. God may be doing one of four things when you are faced with an obstacle:

1) He's blocking it to protect you.
2) His timing to complete this stage is not the same as yours, and He may need you to go through a process of character refinement.
3) He may want other players to get in place, and the circumstances are not yet ready for them to enter.
4) He may be using the process to develop patience in you. Relying on the Holy Spirit to know which one applies to your situation is the key to moving in God's timing.

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Thank you God =)