Gee... there are so many little things that jumped out at me in each lesson that I don't even know where to begin...a little warning though, I might sound incoherent and the points may not necessarily link in a logical way...yeah yeah, I've always been a little illogical...=P

In Lesson 1 of Philippians, which is an overview of the book, one thing struck me. Paul's visit to Philippi was very much planned and effected by God's divine hands. Not only had God prevented Paul from going to other places to preach, He had sent Paul a vision of a man calling to him from Macedonia. How obvious is that?? And the story goes on...unlike other places that Paul visited, this city of Philippi had no synagogue for him to carry out his usual pattern of preaching at the city's place of Jewish worship. And so, he ended up preaching the gospel at the river to some women who were there washing their clothes and utensils. One of whom was a lady by the name of Lydia.

While nothing very much is mentioned about her in the Bible and nothing about the narration about her stands out at first glance, she was in fact a rather outstanding woman in her time.(I've learnt by now, that every single thing that is included in the Bible is there for a purpose. God has a purpose for including certain things in the Bible. And the fact that this lady is in the Bible has its purpose.) She was a successful business woman. It isn't easy for anyone to be successful in business in the first place, but this is especially noteworthy because she is a WOMAN. In those times, women simply didn't have the same status as men in society. For her to own what she did was significant, because what she had, she gave generously to the work of the Lord without holding back. God used her mightily. Her heart was hungry for God in spite of what she materially possessed, and God opened her heart when He saw that she was hungry for Him. Because of Lydia, her whole household came to Christ. She was the first to offer her home to God so that it became the place where the early church met to pray.

He opens the heart of anyone who truly hungers for Him and will make time to listen to His words.

Another thing that struck me in this first lesson was Paul's many mentions of joy. How he told the Philippians to rejoice, and how he himself managed to be joyful in the midst of being in jail for no good reason. Not only did he not blame anyone for his predicament, he was able to see the good that came out of his imprisonment and was able to rejoice whether people preached Christ out of good or ill intentions while he was behind bars. He was only concerned with the gospel being preached, and not with his comfort or well-being. How many of us can say the same about ourselves?

I know that one of my weaknesses is my tendency to be negative, being joyful can be difficult. So there was much to reflect and think about when I read this...

Joy is one of the indicators of true spirituality. Never was true joy more needed than today.

It's true you know. If circumstances ought not be a factor that moves our faith or changes our state in Christ Jesus, then our ability to be joyful shouldn't be dependent on what we go through. And that was what Paul had managed to achieve! "Never was true joy more needed than today". How true this is! I look at my students and some of my colleagues...they may not notice it but most are discontent, complainsome and utterly unhappy and bitter people. Some have bitterness just oozing out of them. They're so unhappy it not only affects them, it seeps into people around them. And not just them, sometimes I find myself dreading going to class or going in with a black face, and I have to catch myself and remind myself that I need to correct my attitude. Of course, I have my down times. Afterall, I AM human. But most times I try my best (even though sometimes it feels like the students are just out to get me) and I pray very hard in the morning on my way to school, that God would give me sufficient grace to handle what lay ahead, and that God will cause my students to show me grace as well.

Finally...

Paul's secret to contentment is found in continual rejoicing, in constantly turning over one's cares and anxieties to Christ with the result that one experiences constant peace, and in increasingly drawing one's strength from Christ, who is the inexhaustible supply of power.

Choose to rejoice, I must.

One of my colleagues commented this morning..."Wah lau! First there was no water (there was one day last week there was no water in school/staffroom), then the aircon stops working, and now there's a wild monkey running around the school???!"

I couldn't help but chuckle...you know what all these means? We're evolving back to prehistoric times!!! Hahaaahaa...

Boy am I tired.

But seriously, it is ironic when in this day and age of such technological advancement, such silly things still happen. Heh.

Incidentally, when a colleague said to me,"Do you know there's a wild monkey running about the school?" Guess what I replied?

"Oh? Who is it?"

I'm sorry but I seriously thought she was referring to a particular student lor....then again, that's more than ONE monkey...

I'd like to see that monkey though..hmm...and so would the students, I bet.

Our study on Philippians for the past 5 weeks (and more, considering the leaders started doing the study even earlier) has been inspiring as well as tiring. I won't deny it, studying God's Word is time-consuming. Particularly when you are a leader in BSF and have to dedicate one more day of the week to BSF (that's two days a week!) on top of homework. It has been a struggle, especially with work demands. But I also admit, that I've really learnt a lot. And it's heartwarming to realise that these lessons do pop into mind as I muse over certain things, or pop up in conversations with fellow brothers and sisters-in-Christ when we discuss certain struggles and issues in life. I'd like to think of this journey as an uphill climb towards a wonderful destination, where the inevitable exercise builds both my muscles and character and where God also provides a good scenery, fresh air and pretty flowers I can admire and pick. Heh.

Suddenly a hymn comes to mind... (and I can't help but giggle..for some strange reason, this hymn makes me laugh! and for no good reason!! Geez...what's wrong with me!??) We've been singing this at church the entire month lah...the third line is like piano scales or some watchamacallit...most challenging to sing.

Thy Word is like a garden, Lord, with flowers bright and fair;
And every one who seeks may pluck a lovely cluster there.
Thy Word is like a deep, deep mine; and jewels rich and rare
Are hidden in its mighty depths for every searcher there.

Thy Word is like a starry host: a thousand rays of light
Are seen to guide the traveler and make his pathway bright.
Thy Word is like an armory, where soldiers may repair;
And find, for life’s long battle day, all needful weapons there.

O may I love Thy precious Word, may I explore the mine,
May I its fragrant flowers glean, may light upon me shine!
O may I find my armor there! Thy Word my trusty sword,
I’ll learn to fight with every foe the battle of the Lord.

The emphasis lately, in every aspect of my life, is on the Word. Every time something like this happens, I know that the Lord is trying to tell me something. What do I mean by "every time something like this happens"? Haven't you had that experience before? When suddenly during a certain period in your life, almost everything that happens to you naturally points at one particular thing? So much so that you know it can't possibly be a coincidence? Yeah well, when it comes to that, I'd rather take the hint from God, than be egg-headed about it (or is it pig-headed?? hmph...egg-headed sounds nicer..donch care) and have God knock me on the head to get my attention otherwise. From experience, that could be rather painful =P

Crap. There I go again. Song stuck in my head. Oh well, it's either this or the Cairo-Bombay song...

p.s. I shall endeavour to pen down some of my thoughts or lessons learnt on my blog so I can share it with you guys...if I can find the time to dig up stuff from Philippians, you'll get it in a while. If not, it's Ruth for the next 5 weeks =)

...I can go to sleep (because I'm so darn tired) and wake up feeling even MORE tired!!!?

Ohh..my aching body...it seems to have gotten worse during the past few rainy days...*GASP* does this mean I have rheumatism???! Crap.

Yesterday's musing stemmed from something I often hear christians say when asked about the prerequisites to finding a life partner. One of the top priorities (whether we really mean it or say it because it's the right thing to say is another issue altogether) christians mention is "Oh, my life partner must be a christian...". Which brings me to another thought...What's a christian? The answer is no longer an absolute you know. It's not a clear black and white answer. Especially not in Singapore, where being a christian is easy. Things would take a sharp turn if we were christians in a country which persecuted christians zealously because of our faith. Only then would the true meaning of being a christian stand out in its purest form. Right now, many define christians as simply people who go to church, go to church somewhat regularly, go to church on special occasions, or even people who once went to church but now no longer. Many also profess to be christians simply because they believe in God, or merely believe there is a God. But what this God is like, what He does, what His nature is...all these remain a mystery...unfamiliar and irrelevant to life at present. Frankly, and logically if I may add, it actually makes no sense to believe in something you do not know. What is the basis of the belief then? Isn't it no different from gambling? Just place your bets and hope for the best. One number is no different from the rest.

So maybe that's why many christians compromise in this area of our lives - relationships. Or love, as we call it. We say we want christian spouses, but when it comes to the crunch, we'd take whatever catches our fancy and makes us feel good. Especially when loneliness sets in, or when our clocks go tick-tock. I'd much prefer, I think, to say that I'd like someone who loves God - the same God I love. Not just a christian (sounds so technical and formal), but a person who loves God. (At this point, I'd like to admit that until recently I'm also 'guilty' of being one of those whose prerequisite for a spouse is for him to be a christian, and perhaps not quite meaning it very sincerely. Sorry God...)

Anyways...this train of thought then brought to mind the all-too-familiar-phrase "Love me, love my dog". My brain works in mysterious ways. I've no idea how I even jump from one vague idea to the next. Ask the Maker. Then I thought, "Hey...in my case it'll be Love Me? Love my God...." At which I started chuckling to myself. (Ok fine I'm weird) Then upon further musing, I decided that even that wouldn't cut it because it's not right for someone to love me first then love my God. The order is just wrong.

You know how we often think about how unlovable we are? How we often wonder how anyone could ever love and accept us, the imperfection in us? Well, I don't know about you, but I definitely do. Very often. And then I think, it really makes more sense for my someone (and your someone, and his someone, and her someone...well, you get the idea) to love God first, and in so doing, be able to love me and things/people around me that make ME me. It all starts from Him.

Cecilia, my bible teacher, always says Love God, Love God's people, Love God's Word. That is what a christian's life is about.

(yes i am aware i digress...that's what blogs are for ain't it? I'm no Mr Brown...)

Two days ago, I was listening to Michael Buble's Call Me Irresponsible. And as I was listening to the words, I realised that almost all, if not all, of the songs were about love. And in particular, it seemed that one of the themes that stuck out about love, was about control or possession. On one hand, this might sound negative. Afterall, how many countless examples of control freaks have we heard of, as well as experienced or witnessed scary encounters of over-possessiveness coming from people we're close to? But what I started thinking about was why this was so. Why do we react this way when it comes to our loved ones? Even to the extent that we no longer act with love towards them - the irony of it all. Why did God create us this way? Is it even from God?

I think it's natural to feel a sense of possessiveness. And I'm referring to love between a man and a woman in particular. (It is a little unnatural otherwise, but then again that's subject to debate. Here I'm simply voicing my two-cents' worth) God created Man to be one-woman men and one-man women. Even though the Bible records instances of great men who had more than one wife, it does not mean that that was what God intended. We were created to give our whole self to only one person. So when this one person that we have committed ourselves to, seems to show indications of no longer being committed to us only, that's when all the negative behaviour manifests and rears its ugly head. Hence giving 'love' a bad name. No wonder people say there's a thin line between love and hate. No wonder so many crimes are being committed in the name of love. It IS true that most crimes are either committed for money or for 'love'.

Ok, so I'm rambling...what's my point? Actually I'm not sure if I even wrote this with a point in mind. Hmm. I do have a disclaimer however. I'm NOT saying that all this possessiveness and excessive need for control is God's fault. I'm only saying that He created us to be one-woman men and one-man women. And that could account for why people feel the sense of possessiveness when it comes to their beloved. BUT this does not justify the barbaric or aggressive or unreasonable behaviour that stems from people's inability to control their thoughts and actions. At the end of the day, the tragedy and drama and cruelty comes from US, not God. Because we allow our sinful selves and desires to rule our thoughts and actions, rather than choose to think holy thoughts and act in ways that would please God instead of grieve Him.

You know, just as in the Bible, life would be much simpler if only we were more faithful creatures. Both to God and to our spouses or future spouses. We were never meant to love more than one.

Two verses which spoke to me in the course of the past week, and which I've committed to memorizing and practising is Philippians 4:8-9.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

WHY IZIT SO COLD???!!!?

...and I'm not talking abt the Cambodia/Thailand/Vietnam t-shirts...

Sometimes I marvel, at how 2 people of the same age, same gender, same nationality...can have such different lives...and sometimes...maybe many times, I wish I had her life.

But then I remind myself, that it's our destiny that matters. After all, that's for eternity. There are only two destinies for all, and both are as different as heaven and hell. Literally.

Polyclinics

Haven't been to a polyclinic since I was like..10?? That was when I moved from my first home to my second. Both in the west. Before I was 10, whenever I was sick, my parents would bring me to the polyclinic in Clementi, the one that's now the Big Bookshop I think. I remember the smell in the polyclinic. The same one I smelt today at the polyclinic in CCK. I also remember the looong, loooong waits...and the general sickly feeling of the place. Plain, almost dingy...spartan.

Didn't quite expect what I saw today. New, rather pleasant..organised. There was a reception, pre-registration counter, registration counter, consultation area, pharmacy, hospital referral counter....really organised. Everything was labelled and clear, systematic. Even the approximate waiting times were given, updated ones.. Call me a mountain tortoise but I was rather impressed.

It also felt really good when I simply flashed my civil service card and the cashier immediately waived my bill of $14.50. Heh.

So, when I stopped going to polyclinics, was that like, an upgrade?? Did I become too uppity to wait like the normal folks? Was it simply cos of time? I'd like to think that... It surely made a difference paying nothing, compared to paying an average of 35 bucks... But would I go there again? The average wait time when I got there was 2 hrs 30min...when I left 45 min later (my dad's sick too, he helped me get a number way in advance...heh) the wait time was more than 3 hrs...

So are there 'invisible' hierarchies in our society? Have I unwittingly upgraded myself or elevated myself into the next 'rung'? You'll probably say I'm thinking too much, huh?

Coffeeshops and such

And I don't mean the branded KOPITIAMs... the average non-airconditioned ones with surrounding shops selling stuff like chinese medicine, cheap tees, ABC stores, and the likes of such... Stuff that perhaps some hoity-toity folks would turn up their noses at.

It all felt so new..and yet so familiar...I think I kinda missed all these things. I remember trudging past all these stores when I was much younger, being dragged from shop to shop while my grandma or maid shopped for groceries. Now, everything I need to get I get from shopping centres..like JP or IMM you know? Where everything I feel I could need is gathered all under one comfortable roof...one that wouldn't let water in to drown my legs or something. And yet, I miss those other things. Yes, yes..I'm one contradictory creature. And in a way, I feel sad, knowing that one day all these things/places would probably cease to exist, and the younger generations would never know what used to be.

I bought only 2 things there today. First, I ta-pao-ed some noodles for lunch, then I bought some liang teh for me and my dad. (It was quite uncanny that the doctors prescribed almost exactly the same meds for both of us..the exception being that he was given an additional thing..Vit C) At both shops where I made my purchases, I was struck by how friendly and caring the two shopkeepers were. I've almost forgotten what that feels like. For the longest time, almost all the interaction I've had when buying stuff was impersonal, you know? Few are truly concerned about you as a person. I mean, afterall, we're strangers right? But the lady at the noodle shop was all smiles and cordial, even if all I was buying was a packet of $2.50 noodles. No grumbling, black face...no "I'm-so-busy-I've-no-time-for-you" vibes...even my request for some soup was met with a smile and cheerful acquiescence. The lady at the medical hall was sooo motherly, I loved it! Ha. After I made my purchase, she pointed at the sky, reminding me in motherly mandarin not to get myself wet with rain because it might make me feel worse...a simple gesture...but at that point of time, I was really touched.

Is it only people in CCK/Teck Whye who are nice???

Geez.

Uhoh...sneezing non-stop...sore throat...not good signs...=(