My dad's in hospital.

For the first time i can remember, I wished so much that there was someone to drive me home. For the longest time, i've been the driver. I've driven people all over the country. Bedok, Changi, Chinatown, Ang Mo Kio, Alexandra, Bt Panjang... I've sat in the car watching friends weep and trying my best to be a friend to them in their time of need. I've zoomed straight to friends in trouble because i have the luxury and privilege of having quick and convenient access to a vehicle almost all the time. And i'm ok with all that. But for once in my life, I wish that someone else would zoom to me.

I wished very much, that yesterday someone could have gone to the hospital with me and helped drive my dad's car back for me and kept me company. (Dad managed to drive to hospital so I had to bring the car back) Sure, it wasn't a big problem having to take public transport down to the hospital, take my dad stuff, visit him and drive his car home. It really wasn't. But somehow, it felt, well... lonely. I didn't like the feeling of going to the hospital alone. Din like that my dad is there. Din like that people closest to me (in physical proximity) were unable to drive. Din like that the only one who could drive was not around. I'm not blaming anyone. It's just that the feeling, the situation just.....sucked. And suddenly, i just felt tired. Tired of being the chauffeur, tired of being the one to zoom to people, tired of giving, tired of being the last to get home all the time, tired of being taken for granted, tired of feeling the burden of responsiblity, tired that i seemed to be the only one interested in visiting dad, tired that my brother is away in hostel all the time and leaving me to bear the burden alone, tired that my mum would rather stay home and mark papers...

Tired of being the lonely driver...



p.s. It didn't help that my chocolate box at work is empty. (Yes, i keep a store of chocolate in a box for rainy days) Need my fix. Sigh.

p.p.s. G, i do appreciate ur calling and ur concern ok? it's not that i dun. It's just....different? I think u know wat i mean...