Dunno what to post...but felt pressured to post before midnight passes. Thought long and hard. What should i say? I racked my brains for something inspiring...none. Something sweet? Touching? None comes to mind. Something captivating? Entertaining? No such luck. Well, then what am i doing here??

Birthdays aren't important to everyone. To some, it's just like any other ordinary day. And there's nothing wrong with that. I asked myself, "Is my birthday a big deal to me?" I thought about it honestly. While i don't expect to be treated like some big shot, i guess i'd be disappointed and depressed maybe, if nobody remembered. And i asked myself again, "Why? Why do i hope people would remember?" Perhaps in some strange way, i've come to associate my birthday as an essential part of me. To put it in a self-centred way, perhaps i hope people remember my birthday because that would show me how much i mean to others.

Sounds egoistic huh? I dunno if somewhere down the line, i'd slowly come to stop thinking of birthdays in such a way. In a way, all these ties in with my relationship with the people around me. If i meant nothing to people around me, i think i would have partially lived in vain. Sure, we can say that we live for God, and we do. But we cannot separate our lives in Christ from our horizontal relationship with others. If i found that i meant nothing to others, i'd start asking myself, "What have i done wrong in my relationship with my family and friends?" In the same way, i'd wonder that about my relationship with my students.

Every year, for the longest time i can remember, my birthday has always fallen on the day of the Teachers' Day celebration in school. And since i became a teacher soon after i stopped being a student, i've almost always had a holiday a day after my birthday. Cool huh? Yeah, it's like the whole school celebrates my birthday with me. While i know Teachers' Day has been largely commercialized, i do look forward to receiving gifts and cards, in particular, from my students. It's not that i enjoy seeing my students spend money on me, but their response shows me to some extent, if i've done right so far, if u know wat i mean.

Words speak to me a lot. Perhaps even more so as i get older. Somehow, i treasure them even more as i age. Yet, the irony is, though our language abilities are supposed to be better as an adult, the less we write to one another. It's as if gifts replace the words we wanna say. I myself, am guilty of that. I guess it's all a result of laziness. Love reading cards and letters...received a small but dainty bottle of green stars from a sec 1 boy today...It came with a hand-drawn picture, coloured meticulously in colour pencils...Behind was written, "Dear...., happy teacher's day...You are a good teacher but you are too strict..Haha." I laughed as i read this. Further down the card was this "p.s. I made the stars myself, until now my fingers all swollen." I was really touched. This was a quiet boy i hardly spoke to because he didn't give me any problems. I was touched because i knew he had put in a lot of effort and thought into the gift. And though it didn't cost him much financially, it cost him a lot in other ways, and that meant more to me than anything else. In times like this, even if it happens just once a year, it makes all the crap we teachers have had all worthwhile =)

At this point, i scrolled up to scrutinise what i've written, and realize there doesn't seem to be any theme or order. Sorry if i've scrambled your brains or bored you in the process. Just wanted to pen down some thoughts.

Last thought in my head before i go to bed. As i get older, i've come to be more aware of the importance of friends in my life. Not just frens, but christian frens. As precious as diamonds you guys are to me, but even more so, because you help me grow, and you make life's journey all the more interesting and worth living. I love you all very much, though i may not always say or show it. *MUAKS!*

More tomorrow...too tired to think. The old lady needs her rest.