She said that my weakness is that i'm too contented with what i have, and lack a certain ambition to do more. She's worried that new teachers will come in and do better than me because as it is (in their opinion), i'm only performing slightly above the minimum expectation. Meaning, that i'm doing everything a teacher should be doing, but i'm not doing above that because they expect me to volunteer for stuff and be in this or that committee. Thing is, i'm not interested in being leader or to be in as many committees as possible, or to make a lot of noise (which some do) in order to get those higher up to notice me. In fact, i'm very happy where i am, hidden in my little corner and being unnoticed by most. I really am. And while i'm surprised that she chose to use the word 'contented' (cos i never think of myself as contented), it is in a way, true. I have no ambition whatsoever in the work place. I just want to get whatever needs to be done, done. So that i can go off to either rest, or work on something else. Cos i do have many things in church to worry about or do. I have meetings, bible study, cell group, exercise classes, vocal classes, tennis, badminton and loads of other stuff to attend too. I can't afford to center my whole life and effort on work only. But then the reality of things is that the management is just gonna expect more and more from me because i'm supposed to be getting more experienced. And if i don't give them what they wanna see, i'm gonna be deemed incompetent because i'm not doing enough by their standards. How?
Maybe this is just not meant to be my career.
My question is this: Why do you have to be in committees and volunteer to do extra stuff (which often may not be related to the academic nor moral well-being of the child) in order to be considered competent or good at your job? Why is being good at what you are supposed to be doing, not good enough and not deserving of any credit? In other words, it seems to me that i can be a lousy teacher in the classroom, one who cares nuts about whether students live or die, but as long as i volunteer for extra stuff and look busy and enthusiastic, i can 'perform' and be promoted? Is that how certain leaders get to where they are? Ok...i should have said questionS...not question.
I'd be lying if i said i wasn't disappointed or slightly discouraged.
The bright side of it all i guess, was that i sincerely believe that my HOD believed i could do better. She said that she knows i'm competent in my work and that i have enough subject mastery to do a good job. It's just that i'm too contented with my lot. Bottomline is, she wants me to try and stick my neck out abit more next year. Sigh. Other weakness she mentioned was that i need to think about more ways/strategies to teach effectively. Which i agree with. Because personally, i think that i'm a boring teacher. It's usually just the whiteboard, the marker and me. The boring trio. Only thing interesting about me is probably my facial contortions, high squeaky voice and the element of unpredicatability in my class. They never know when i'm going to do what. Aside from that, my teaching is....BORING.
On a good note, she did mention my strengths as well. She said my english is good. Which is why she wants me to do Express students from now on, and not just NA and NT. She knows also that i drill my sec ones very hard on the basic grammar rules, which is probably why she acceded to my request for sec one classes next year. The other strength she mentioned was my classroom management. Apparently this is something which is obvious to all the Heads. I have no problems making sure my class listens to me when i teach. I guess this is a perk i need. I need encouragement a lot, i find. It is, to me, what sunlight does for a flower. Heh. Hence, sunflowers. But seriously, as i mentioned to H last night, i think classroom management is plain commonsense. How some teachers can continue talking while the class talks is baffling. The logic eludes me. To me, it's plain and simple. I talk, you listen. You talk, i don't talk. What for? Waste my time and energy. Sure, maybe some students like you because you are lenient. But....DUH??!
Here's what some of my students told me with regards to classroom management...
Cher, we like Mr D, cos he talk...we oso talk...
Seriously, would YOU consider that a compliment if you were Mr D?
Had another talk with some other students about a really nice teacher. I was reprimanding them because they did so badly in one of their subjects. I asked they why they don't put in the effort when their teacher has been so nice. Just doesn't seem fair to him. And while they agreed that he was nice, they also said he was TOO nice. And then it occured to me that students ARE actually sensible enough to realize when teachers being nice isn't everything. In fact, they pretty much admitted that they needed to be scolded in order to maintain order to learn. The irony is, they weren't sensible enough to discipline themselves to behave and learn in class while Mr Nice Guy was teaching. In the end, they gave up on that subject altogether. Almost every single one of that class. Actually, i'd like to have tried my hand at that subject... Think there's this rebellious streak in me that makes me wanna try what others couldn't manage. So while this class admitted to me that they didn't like me scolding them, they also admitted that it was good for them because it made them pay attention. And they really did put in effort for their exams. Well, outsiders who don't know them wouldn't think they looked like they put in effort. But for ppl of their character and attention span, i think they did their best =)
Overall, i think i'm pretty pleased with the past year. Most of my classes did pretty well, especially my form class. SO proud of them!! Here's their Mean Subject Grade by class...the lower the better.
1A - 2.75
1B - 3.18
1C - 3.95
1D - 4.1
1E - 3.9
Well, it may not seem fantastic to you guys but for me it's good enuf. I teach the 2 tail-end classes you see. 1E is my form class. Tail-end classes are famous for being problematic most times. It is kinda related to how well they do academically also. But my 1E performed better than even the C class in English!! I'm so proud of them! Also, most of them will be promoted to better classes next year. I even have some going to 2B and 2C next year. Less than half the class will be staying on in 2E =)
Out of curiosity, i went to check up the MSG for the class i taught last year. I was given the second NA class out of two classes in that level. They are grouped by classes according to their PSLE results you see. So the second class, my class, would be the weaker students academically. Anyways, in English, they did better than the other class in the same stream and level even tho they are not as good in English! Even the expectations that we had for 1F was lower than for 1E...
See...
Target MSG Mid yr MSG EOY MSG
1E 3.5 5.2 4.8
1F (my class) 4.0 5.2 4.6
Yay... so happy for them...=) So the scoldings weren't entirely in vain. Even now, many of them stop to greet me and say hi. Really like that class.
More ramblings when i start my brain engine again...=)
