These days are a mixed bag of feelings. In a way, things don't FEEL as bad as it was before. But i don't think it's because things ARE better. Probably because i let my students have a piece of my mind (a huge chunk if you ask me...i'm probably a lot more stupid now with only half a mind left...hahaha...)and also because i'm...i dunno...getting used to the crap that i've been getting? In a way, i'm not kidding when i said i'm tired. In my line, physical tiredness is the norm. But the killer is mental and emotional tiredness. The loss of motivation to do anything anymore because students just don't appreciate you. Nobody likes to feel like a fool. I'm no exception. Sometimes i feel like i'm wasting my time and these *$#%@ just take me for a fool. What for do so many things for them?? Like they care lor! They don't even realise that worksheets they get have been prepared painstakingly for them. What?? They think worksheets grow on trees and we just have to go pluck them off?? Idiots. Do they even know what it feels to have work you prepared torn, lost, thrown away, not done...? Just a couple of weeks ago, one unfortunate @#&%$# had her file ransacked and all her worksheets torn up. She lost her temper, threw her stuff in the air and wept. Her friends were furious as well. In fact, it was like such a big and terrible thing. And, it is. It is a terrible thing to do that to someone's work of labour. (altho i must say that i don't think that much effort was put into the work in the first place) So if students can see that it is a terrible thing, and to some extent, sympathise with this student, then why can they not sympathise with the teacher? How do they think it makes us feel when they treat the things we print for them like %$^%**? But do they care how we feel? No... They live in their own private bubble where the central theme is ME ME ME ME ME. They blame us and say that we don't understand them. They say we have no regard for their feelings. So do they spare any thought for OUR feelings then?

Let's see this from an even clearer perspective...

1. They say we don't care about their feelings and put all the blame on us even tho they did something wrong in the first place and refuse to admit fault.
2. They tear up and misplace work we give them
3. They are quick to say we are unfair in punishing them. Always saying "so-and-so did it too what. why don't u punsh them?" But they fail to see that they did wrong in the first place. Whether others did wrong or not is not the issue.
4. They complain about this and that. Everything. Never sparing a thought for the teacher's feelings.
5. They think that just because we are paid to be teachers, we are also their servants who are expected to take all the shit they give us, and worse still, clean their backsides as well.

Frankly speaking, there are many more. I'm just gonna stop here because i'm just gonna get more depressed and demoralised. So, in view of what little i've listed, do i have a good reason to continue where i am? Why am i teaching?

Why do students think that 1 day of celebrating the existence of teachers is enough to erase the crap that they give us every other day of the year?

And why is it when we do things over and above what we are expected to do, they think that we are PAID to do what we do?? We're not paid to MOTHER them or CARE for them or COUNSEL them you know. We do it because we are genuinely concerned, but they take everything for granted. As if we owe it to them. WE DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING!!

It stinks when i feel like i'm just waiting for this class to graduate. You know what else stinks? The fact that even in the organisation, it seems that it doesn't matter if you care for your class or not, whether you teach well in class or not, whether you put in effort into lives. What apparently matters is whether you do the EXTRAs well and better still for you if you BRAG about it. Or DISCREETLY send out emails which indicate that you are doing this or that. So basically if you are modest you are a loser. Maybe i've been in this world too long, so much so that i'm starting to be of this world. Sometimes, i think it would be nice if someone in school could recognise that i am trying my best and doing as much as i can for the students. It would be nice if my students could show abit more recognition and appreciation. Nobody cares that i churn out worksheets on my own instead of copying from books. Nobody cares that i take the effort to search the internet just so i can find more ways to engage the NT students. Nobody cares that i bought files for the entire class out of my own pocket because many are too poor or cannot be bothered. Nobody cares that i often buy rewards and treats for students to motivate them and make them happy. What? They think teachers are given money to buy these things izit?? So i don't have better things to do with what little money i have? Or they think i'm filthy rich and have plenty of money to spare?? Crap.

So if i want to stay on in this place, i'm just gonna have to resign myself to the fact that this is the way things are? That people like me are never gonna be recognised or promoted because i do things quietly? That the essence of teaching is not about teaching well and caring for students, but it's in being loud to boast about what you do outside of teaching? So i don't actually have to really bother about students to get a promotion? Just put on a show at the right time for the right people to see?

I just have to face it.

"Look j. Just face it. Face the facts of life. Nobody cares if you take time to talk to students or find out about how you are doing. As long as the p doesn't see it, it counts for nothing. Wanna do it, do in front of him lah. Face it, nobody cares if you put in effort to learn a Norwegian dance for your class or that you took time to book the dance room to teach them the dance. Nobody cares that you took time to distribute the work and labour painstakingly for the IFD nor that you take the effort to edit their work and check on them. You're wasting your time and effort. Why buy stuff for them? Look at them! DO they appreciate it at all? They probably take you for an idiot with too much money and too much time on your hands. At least if you did it in front of the p, it might count for something. You keep quiet about it for what? Nobody knows or cares. What do you get out of it then? It's an investment gone down the drain. How stupid can you get. You should just go live a nomadic life in Thailand or something. At least over there, no one can take advantage of you. Just give it up lah. Nobody sees. Nobody cares. Forget it."

It's Generation ME out there.
Slogan: It's all about me. Ungrateful's the word.