Tuesday's bible study with C was really good. Altho i can't say i absorbed every single thing she said in those 2 hours (she speaks really fast ok...), i think i learnt pretty much.

The strange thing was, somehow many things she said that night made me think abt a certain person. While i know that i don't want to be the person with a plank in my eye, i don't want to deny it when i feel God may be impressing certain things on me. There are things which i know about...(let's call this person F)...F, which i often feel are wrong. Yet, it's hard to pinpoint what the exact problem is. That night's bible study answered some of these questions for me.

I used to wonder why i felt so uncomfortable, sometimes even to the point of feeling disturbed, whenever F songled or prayed. This is also why i left this particular ministry years ago. I thought it was a personal thing i had to deal with and since i din feel comfortable, it just din seem right to stay. What i learnt from C was that the Holy Spirit is present in us to convict and convince us when something is in accord with His will. And when God's people speak, they are annointed with God's authority. They speak forth with the authority of God. And when God's people, who are in tune with Him, hear the message, they know that it is from God and not brought forth by the flesh. When a message comes with the authority of God, it has concord, or harmony with the Holy Spirit in us. So we recognize when something is from God or not. The converse is true. When people who claim to be God's people speak forth without the authority of God, people KNOW because there is no concord.

Some time ago, i heard from someone that F says he/she doesn't like to read the bible. Most of us were like,"WHAT???!". The strange thing was the people he/she told din even seem to think anything was wrong with that. Frankly speaking, i think most of us struggle with reading the bible. Sometimes, i just feel too lazy or too tired to pick the bible up to read. Perhaps on some level, i am the same as F. Maybe i don't like to read the bible. Sometimes, it feels like i have to force myself to do it. There are times, on the other hand, where i really want to just spend time reading and praying. And i know also that no matter how good a reason i have for my state of inertia, going back to the bible is the right thing to do. Recently, i heard from another person, the reason F gives for not wanting to read the bible. He/she says that if he/she reads too much and therefore knows too much, he/she would have to be more holy. (i.e. to do/ obey what is written in the bible) This seems to me the most ridiculous reason i've ever heard!

All this came to mind when C talked about how God levels the playing field for Christians in the area of sanctification. There's no fight on the issue of salvation. The playing field is definitely level. Christ died for you as well as for me. No one comes to the Father except through Christ. No works or merit involved. Then how about sanctification? People have argued that it's not fair that God gives some more talents or spiritual gifts, hence these people can do more for God and store up more rewards in heaven. But what people don't realize is that it doesn't matter how many talents you have, how much you've done for God, or how good you are. God assesses all of us based on our DESIRE for God. Perhaps F thinks that the more he/she does, the better. Perhaps F revels in the known fact that he/she is good in many things. I dunno. But what i am convinced of now, is that all these don't matter. I need to focus on God and desire Him. It's only when we hunger for Him, and press on, that He increases our capacity for Him. Service is just an avenue for us to express our love for Him.

Another thing that stuck in my head that night: If someone is proud, whatever he or she has (in terms of talents) is not of God. God can use ANYONE. Even donkeys. (Balaam...) He doesn't NEED to use us. God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble (1 Pet 5:5-6)

God is very against pride in people. Have to remind myself. Now i know why God made me only slightly better than average in my spiritual gift. I shared this with H that night also. It's a guard for me against pride. Think God knows that i may fall if i were too good. He's protecting me. That's why people like L can be so good at what he does. Because he's humble. And God knows that he can handle being so good at his gift. I, on the other hand, have to constantly knock myself on the head to prevent it from becoming too big. Not that i think i've very good. Just that i know that i have a tendency to fall into pride, and i have to stop myself before i get there.

Thank you God, for speaking to me. Continue to guard my heart against pride and help me remove any planks that may be in my eyes.