The week leading up to Easter this year was a little different compared to other years. For the longest time, Good Friday and Easter became some sort of ritual. A welcome holiday no doubt. But is it only that? That's the danger being a christian in Singapore today. Because things come so easy and because life is somewhat of a bed of roses, people fall into a state of inertia and complacency. Including me.

Sometime last week, I was trying to convince H to go on a short day trip to a neighbouring land after the Good Friday service. In my mind, I was sure that she would say no because she wouldn't want to be a burden to us. Just as i expected, she declined. But because of another reason. She wanted to stay home and spend time with God. I felt really bad. Not cos i tried to persuade her but cos i came to the sudden realization that i had gotten it all wrong. I had forgotten the true meaning of Good Friday and Easter. In short, i had missed the whole point of Good Friday and Easter.

You might think that i would have cancelled plans for the day trip. I wanted to. But somehow i felt that cancelling on the rest who had agreed to go on that trip would be somewhat equivalent to a betrayal of some sort. God forgive me for my eccentric notions. However, i was determined not to let this year's Passover simply just pass me by. I too, wanted to spend some time reflecting on God and His word this year and not just treat it as a holiday. I wanted it to be a Holy day.

I looked forward to Thursday's convention at True Way Presbyterian. Upon arrival, I was pleasantly surprised to see a preacher I knew chairing the service. I forget her name. I can't even remember how i knew her. (prob from childhood) But i did remember that i liked her very much. I won't go into details of the worship songs because that could take up a whole post on its own. But something touched me very much that night. Even now, just thinking about how i felt that night, makes me tear. I can't even begin to describe it. As that preacher prayed, some time in the middle of the praise segment, i just felt this immense feeling of....wretchedness and shame and grief and gratitude wash over me and overwhelm me. The reality of how terribly sinful I am, how unworthy of Christ's sacrifice I am, just swept over me and engulfed me. I can't even remember what it was the preacher said, cos i know it wasn't what she said that brought these feelings on. It was the Holy Spirit. I know it was. I could not help but weep, tears rolling freely down my face. And i didn't really care if anyone saw me. All i could think about was how God could love wretched sinners like us so much that He would be willing to allow His only Son to suffer so much for our sakes. I could almost feel a fraction of what it must have felt like to walk towards that cross of suffering. The grief He must have felt. And i could only say to God at that point of time, "Lord I'm so unworthy!"

I can't remember when was the last time i felt this way. But i have been motivated to renew my commitment to God. I can't say that my walk with God is going to be wonderful from now on, because i can't tell the future and i know i'm far far far from perfect. But i will try.

Good Friday's convention was held at the Expo. A long long way from my new home. I resisted the urge to find company for the long ride because i wanted to spend time reading His word and preparing myself for the service. I decided to read extracts from each of the gospels spanning from Gethsemane to the resurrection , or as much as i could manage in the given time. It was a refreshing experience seeing the same events happening from different perpectives. It was also interesting looking at the similarities and differences that the different authors of the gospels chose to include in their accounts. Maybe you could try it too? =)

May we never forget to remember the true meaning of Good Friday and Easter...