Tonight, i attended the wake service held for a good friend's father. Though i wasn't close to his dad, i did know that he was a person who was always cheerful and full of jokes to tell. When he was first struck with illness and had to have an op done, i visited him at the hospital with some other friends. Because i knew him to be someone who loved singing and music, i felt that perhaps this op which removed his voicebox would be somewhat of a blow to him. I'm not sure what i expected to see at that point of time, whether it was a man in a state of depression or even in a foul temper, i know i definitely did not expect him to be cheerful and at ease in spite of his discomfort and inability to talk. I remember that he was responsive and even cheerfully initiated conversation (scribbles on the pages of a notebook). He didn't talk about any pain or discomfort that he was suffering from, nor did he grumble or lament about his condition. In fact, if i don't remember wrongly, he was even making jokes on paper and gesticulating wildly to emphasize his point! Can't help but admire his fortitude in battling cancer for more than 2 years and his cheerfulness in the midst of his suffering. I know it musn't have been easy for both him and his family.

His daughter gave a good eulogy tonight. All of us got a glimpse of what he was like. A loving and fun dad, a hard worker, someone whose ingenuity was used to benefit those who needed it. An initiator of many activities which required giving instead of taking. I wish i knew him better. More so, i wish i had visited him once more before his passing.

Tonight's wake service was very different from another i attended not too long ago. At least to me it felt that way. Many people painted different aspects of his jovial character. All different in some ways because he played different roles in different domains. And yet, they were also the same. He was a man loved by many because of who he was, how he was to people and what he did for others. He gave much and that's why people have so much to remember him by. Everyone had something good to say about him. This contrasted with other wakes i've attended where people can only described the deceased in neutral terms. As one who was a certain way and did certain things, but could not attach any significance or relationship to those vague descriptions. To be fair, of course, that could very well be the 'fault' of the person giving the eulogy, having not been endowed with strong powers of description. Or of course, the other possibility is that the deceased did not have very many intimate relationships with people around. Regardless of what the reasons might be, it got me thinking about my life.

What would people say about me and my life when my time comes? Have I spared the time for and made sacrifices for people who needed it? Have i given more than i received? Would there be more good things for people to remember me by or more negative ones? Would i be remembered only for the scoldings i gave and not the praises? Have i made any sort of impact on anyone's life that would have a lasting or even eternal effect? Seriously, i think not.

It would be sad, wouldn't it? If we passed away, and people around us were at a loss for words to describe us and our lives in a positive way? Perhaps it's time to think about what i can do for others instead of sitting in my hole trying to feel less tired. These days it takes almost all my energy to do what needs to be done and then to fight lethargy. It's time to think about what i can do that will have an eternal impact on someone else.

Crap. All that thinking has made me hungry.