Thank you for your card. Sorry I didn't reply or respond earlier. I didn't know how and what to say. I didn't voice things out because I didn't want to bother too many people with my problems. So I only told people who asked and whom I'm close to. I didn't see any point in taking the initiative to approach people who are busy with their own lives, just to unload my unhappiness on them. Honestly though, I must admit that I wondered how long it'd take before you'd notice that I was somewhat gone from your life in the past 2 weeks. I know you have a heart for people. More so than most other people. And you'd always be willing to listen and generally be the sympathetic company and companion. However, I also know that with your soft heart, you'd probably be willing to do that with most people, if not anyone who comes to you for help. I just didn't want to be part of the pack of needy people surrounding you.

Another reason why I didn't go to you was because I sense that you've been pretty preoccupied these days. Last thing I needed was to ask to go out and be rejected. Also, I sensed you've been pretty happy, so I didn't want to deflate your balloon. On a selfish note, it was for me like what I once read in a book, "How heavy roll the wheels of others' happiness when your heart is heavy-laden".

Won't go into details of what was bothering me, cos I'm trying to move on and talking about it too much probably won't help. I will however, share with you what I learnt in time, if the opportunity arises. Or if i am inspired to blog about it one day.

On a different note, I hope my broaching this subject time and again won't put you off. I know it's not something you want to hear, and its probably strange to hear, but it worries me that you've been so happy, and that you've been disappearing more, or so it seems. I, like many others I know, have gone against my better judgement, only to regret it. If, by God's grace, things turn out the way you hope, it would only be a bonus on your part. It is not a given. If you go through with this and what you hope for does not happen, there will only be two 'endings'. One, you will, in time, fall away from God because you and I both know walking with God is not easy. It's easier to get dragged off a table than for one to pull someone else onto the table. Two, there will come a time when you find that you have to make a choice once and for all. Remember what was taught: "We have to choose to be either FOR God or to be AGAINST God. If we refuse to choose God, then by default we are choosing to be against Him." And after some time has lapsed, it gets harder and harder to extricate yourself and choose God. I know this full well. I think you do too. If and when (and I hope you do) you choose God, it will hurt a lot more because there'll be many voids to fill.

I love you, that's why I don't want to see this happen to you. The last thing I want is for you to hate me for saying what you don't want to hear. I also know that by saying these things, you may consciously or unconsciously not want to talk to me again. But your welfare is more important to me than your approval. This said, I will also say this. I cannot force you to choose God. But no matter how you choose to walk your path, I will still be your friend and love you just as much. I will still be there if you need somebody and I will accept whatever choices you make. Should you choose to go down a rocky path, I will be there to hold your hand or to help pull you out of the path with God's strength, should you be willing. I just wish for your sake that you will not have to go through the hurt that I and many others have gone through, though not quite in the exact same way. But then perhaps, there are just some lessons we have to learn through personal experience in order to draw closer to God.

I guess this is all I have to say. Don't draw away from me ok? I will still listen when you need to talk about it. And I will try my very best to support you in the ways you need, with God's help. Love you much...