It's been some time since I last went out with my parents. As with many other parents and children, these times are either one of amusement or one of extreme frustration. In a family of 4, 3 of whom are teachers, you add to these times a large dollop of very LOUD talking...(I suspect my parents are getting deaf...i blame the students. Hmph. That's why teaching as a career, imho, is detrimental to my love for music. Time to get out!!) Anyways, as I was saying, so yes, we went out today, to the wake of my uncle's mother-in-law. For journaling's sake, I shall trace some of the events and conversations of the evening....

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WHEN PARENTS LIVE IN DIFFERENT TIME ZONES
7.45pm

Father and daughter waits impatiently at the gate of the house. The FATHER is tapping his feet impatiently and barking out, "READY OR NOT!!??" at regular, rather clockwork-like intervals. The DAUGHTER has a jolly time putting on and taking off her shoes over and over again. Putting them on to pace about outside the apartment impatiently, and then taking them off to walk back into the apartment to check on the MOTHER. "Can you hurry up???! It starts at 8pm and we live at the other end of the world!"

The MOTHER(placidly): Aiyah, this kind of thing can go anytime wan wat....

The FATHER and the DAUGHTER(fuming): IT'S A SERVICE!!!

The MOTHER finally leaves the house. The FATHER mutters under his breath,"SO TYPICAL of women..." and in doing so, earns a glare from the already ready DAUGHTER.

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WHEN PARENTS DON'T LISTEN...
In the CAR...

The DAUGHTER: Daddy you better let me drive. You can't see well at night.

The FATHER: Do you know the way there or not?

The DAUGHTER: Yah lah...I was the one who directed you there the last time...

(silence)

The FATHER: You know or not? Take the AYE...

The DAUGHTER(tiredly): I know...

(silence)

The FATHER: Don't get out of the AYE...turn out only when I tell you...

The DAUGHTER(with restraint): Dad, I know...

(silence)

The FATHER: Turn out only at Keppel ok?

The DAUGHTER(with less restraint): Dad...I was the one who directed you there the last time...

(silence)

The FATHER: Okok turn left in front!!

The DAUGHTER(almost seething): Dad, I know...

(silence)

The FATHER: Ok...errrm....you gotta turn in front somewhere...

The DAUGHTER(weakly, with resignation): I know...I was the one who directed you there the last time...

~She should have just let him drive...~

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WHEN PARENTS DON'T KNOW THE STRENGTH OF THEIR OWN VOICES
8.15pm

The DAUGHTER, with her good sense of direction, finds the location of the wake service pretty fast and (out of the goodness of her heart) attempts to lead her bewildered parents (who are trailing confusedly behind) to the BACK of the service where they can sneak in unnoticed. (Or so she hoped)

The FATHER, in what seemed like a deliberate attempt to foil her well-meaning plans of "sneak-attack", exclaims loudly from the FRONT of the service, "HEY!! IT'S HERE!!!", gesticulating wildly at the area which the DAUGHTER was trying to avoid at all costs.

"SSSSSssssHHhhhhhhhhhh...." hissed the DAUGHTER, hoping to God that no one heard him. (yeah like that was possible...maybe if grandmothers could bounce upside-down on their heads...you get the idea.)

~So much for sneaking in unnoticed...~

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WHEN PARENTS GO OUT OF CONTEXT
In the lift on home ground

Preceding this scene was a heated discussion in the car on Health and Fitness, during which the DAUGHTER tried in vain to convince her parents that they need to eat healthily and to exercise. Particularly the MOTHER, who thinks walking to class is all the exercise she needs. The DAUGHTER is at her wits end, wondering if the PARENTS fully recognised that their risk of heart attack is higher than for others because the GRANDPARENTS have a history of it. Phrase of high occurrence used in the discussion? "Because you never exercise..."

The MOTHER (looks into the mirror in the lift and tugs at her hair: Dunno why my hair so 'cue'...always sticking out...so irritating...

The DAUGHTER: Aiyah...you perm hair is like that wan lah... what you expect...

The MOTHER(indignantly): I DIDN'T! I haven't permed my hair for a long time...Dunno why like that lah...

The FATHER (eager to join the conversation):I know why!!......BECAUSE YOU NEVER EXERCISE!!

*de-boing-orh*

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WHEN PARENTS GOSSIP ABOUT OTHERS
Back home...

The FATHER talks about the MOTHER's sister(E) and brother-in-law(S).

The FATHER (declaring triumphantly): Did you see?? E was angry with S!

The MOTHER(surprised and interestedly): Got meh?? Why?? How you know???

The FATHER(excitedly): Didn't you realise?? As soon as S said........, E's face changed and she kept poking her drink lor...poke poke poke poke....many holes ah...

The MOTHER (light dawning on her face): OHhhhh....yah I think I saw her doing that...you also saw ah?

The FATHER: YAH LAH!! Dunno why must murder the cup...

~Little did they know the DAUGHTER was listening to their little conversation. After all, they were KINDA LOUD...~
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Comprehension question: FROM whom did the DAUGHTER inherit her crappiness?