This is a much delayed post. Been wanting to post some thoughts which arose from a conversation I had some time ago, with the colleague who sits next to me in the staffroom. But somehow in the busyness and all, it just grew less important and more distant, so I just put it off till now.

Having been placed in a christian 'setting' for a large part of my life, it's hard to understand what it's like to grow up in a non-christian 'setting'. It's kind of difficult to understand what it feels like to be on the other side of the wall, so called. By chance, I found out that the 2 new contract teachers that I get along relatively well with were both from Pei Hwa Primary, like me. And since then, there seemed to have sprung up an unseen sense of camaraderie from this unexpected knowledge. I know they're both non-christians, but at least now I know that they shouldn't be strangers to Christianity as a religion, and in all probability wouldn't be hostile to hearing me talk about anything connected to church and Christianity. Hence, I've been more open about my life. About church, missions, my church friends etc...

I talked about M going to Thailand to serve, about H going to Cambodia, about how I felt my role was to support them somewhat and hence I didn't think it was time for me to be leaving the country as yet. I talked about what good friends they are to me, some things we used to do together..silly or otherwise. And I was surprised by her reaction. I found out that she often does things alone and that her group of friends consisted of her secondary school friends, people she didn't seem to really enjoy hanging out with. (Perhaps that's why she does most things alone.) She talked about how they didn't understand her job and how they'd be horrified or disapproving of some of the more 'quirky' things we do to problematic students. (ahem, actually many of these quirky ideas came from me....in my defence, i think they're just more interesting ways of attempting to bend the students over to our will, rather than the regular methods. Most of them work anyway!)

Maybe it's cos her friends are from erm, a certain school. So they have certain fixed ideas about what's acceptable and not. To 'ladies' like them, getting students to run up and down the stairs as punishment is probably barbaric! Hmph. I've made my students do worse things and I think they're none the worse for it. In fact, some remember me for it! Bear in mind we're talking about students of a different calibre and background.

Back to the story, short of it is that other than this set of friends and her present set of colleagues, she didn't seem to have many other people to hang out with. And even then, she didn't even seem to enjoy hanging out with this group of friends! And this stood out in such sharp contrast to what I share with my close friends at church! I think this contrast was pretty deeply felt at that point of time, both to me and to her. And she was envious you know. She pretty much said so herself. She verbalised what I think I'd always known and yet taken for granted all this time. I have friends who will accept me for who I am, and yet love me enough to gently guide me to change my weaknesses; friends who will stand by me in difficult times and would take the time and effort to understand what I'm going through; companions I have no qualms doing silly things with or just spend time doing absolutely NOTHING with.

All these are blessings we often take for granted. It IS a blessing to have someone to call when we're feeling low/frustrated/dismayed and who would understand or at least be willing to listen. It IS a blessing to have close friends we can share our joys with the very first minute we can dash off to a phone. It IS such a blessing to have a shoulder to cry on. You know these people have no agenda being your friend and will never backstab you or betray you like those in the office might.

The phrase this colleague of mine kept repeating was (I don't know how to get chinese characters out at this point of time) "Hen(3) Nan(2) De(2)" which translates as "very difficult to get/find". And indeed this is so, though these are precisely things we take for granted. I felt very blessed indeed after that conversation. These are blessings God gives us in this big loving family of His, not everyone gets to enjoy this. There ARE times non-christians look upon this love we have for one another and feel envious. (though I also do not deny the opposite also happens, we do fall too) I think I felt sad for her. After more than 20 years of being in God's family, I cannot imagine not having my kakis around to eat with me(and burp audibly), sing with me(and harmonise), laugh (LOUDLY) with me, share with me, pray with me, cry with me.....you get the idea. I cannot imagine being in her shoes, having to do things alone and not be able to share her life with her friends because they wouldn't understand or because they'd judge her.

Thank you God for this family you've placed me in. Help me to be thankful everyday for the many blessings you grant me and open my eyes to see these blessings even when problems and negative things threaten to cloud my vision. Help me to not be a bad witness at my workplace, and where there are bad examples, help me not to focus on these and become bitter and discouraged, but to remember to look to You and not to Man. For only You are our perfect and righteous example.

Many have looked to Man, become bitter and fallen away, disgusted at those they deem to be hypocrites in the christian circle. But they fail to realise that no man will ever come close to being perfect. Christian or not, we WILL make mistakes and we WILL fall. The question is, will we focus on the big picture and on the artist of this picture, or will we fix our eyes on what we deem are the flaws in the picture and thereby judge this picture based on these flaws?