I feel like an idiot.

I'm physically tired right now but I'm simply unable to go to sleep for a much needed rest. This usually happens when I exercise too late at night. Can't make myself fall asleep cos my mind is too alert. Must be the adrenalin. But then, today seems exceptionally bad. As in I really really really cannot sleep! And yet, on my way back from ecp, I was falling asleep at the wheel. Felt like a really long ride and was struggling to stay awake then. Now!? Duh.

But that's not why I feel like an idiot.

Earlier this morn, I was so sure that the fault was the organiser's. And in a way it is. But when the initial indignation wore off and the exhaustion came on, I started to feel the fault was mine. Went for a team triathlon today. 2 of my male colleagues did the swim and cycling portion, while I was supposed to do the run. We had signed up for the Mini challenge because the Sprint was full already. So that's just 750m swim in the sea, 10km of cycling and 2km run. Sounds manageable right? I mean 2 km is less than what I normally run anyway! So should have been ok right?? Noooo...I somehow managed to mess that up =(

The route was one that required participants to make a u-turn at the midpoint, because the starting point was also the end point. So I timed myself, you know, going by my usual running pace, I should be at the midpoint by about 5 min into the run, max 6 min. And in my head I was thinking, I could afford to run faster than my usual pace since the distance is shorter than usual. So off I went, going past quite a number of people along the way. And then, it was strange but, as I ran, I got assaulted by doubts. Like, "how come everyone's running so slowly? Am I too fast? Maybe later I'm going to run out of reserve energy if I go at this pace..." and then I just ran and ran....and I started wondering how come it was taking me so long to get to the midpoint. But everyone was just running and running...there were people ahead of me samore. So I thought can't be wrong. 10 min later I still had not made the turn. I was really worried but I had passed some road martials along the way, and no one had indicated that it was time to turn, so I started thinking that maybe I made a mistake and that there was a finishing line elsewhere, not at the starting area. (Don't ask me how I came to that conclusion) I'm beginning to hate my brain. By the time I REALLY wanted to ask somebody if i was on the wrong track, it was too late, the road martials didn't seem to be along that stretch, but there were still participants in front of me. So I was really confused and didn't know what to do. Just then, this guy whizzed by on his bike saying,"2km run? Turn around, y'all overshot!" I was so upset and angry. My legs had turned to lead by then, since I had been running at '2 km' speed for more than 2km and had the same distance to run back. I was totally demoralised and my legs were threatening to cramp on me all the way back. Both legs.

The run back felt like eternity. Along the way, the fact that this was waaaaay longer than 1km not only sank in, it was slapping me hard in the face. Given the frequency I run, it was unforgivable that I did not manage to pick that up much earlier. It was as if my common sense had abandoned me today. I was totally running on reserve an under by the time I got back to the main competition area with the tentages and all. I felt really really sick, but being my usual competitive self, I simply had to overtake a couple more people on the way to the finish line. After which, immediately after I stepped past the 'mat', I ran to a corner to throw up. Projectile. Eeew. I hope no one took any pictures. Feel like such a loser.

I sat down to rest. Then tried to stand. And found to my horror, that both my legs were cramping up. So down I sat again. Sigh.

Oh well, I know the post sounds really bad. But actually I'm not feeling all that bad. At least I managed to have a much needed workout. Throwing up was not really a problem. And it was my first such race in a long time. The real first was a long time ago and it wasn't quite like this. So I'm glad for the new experience. I also found a nice prawn noodle place at the hawker centre (yes, I had to replenish my tummy) and rediscovered the char siew noodle shop that D, LH and I used to frequent for supper after our long runs at ecp eons ago. In addition to the 'run' workout, after my cramps subsided I also had a 'walk' workout, since dodo me had happily gone to order a sugarcane drink, only to find that I'd left my wallet in the car. So I told the uncle I'd come back later for it. I so regretted ordering that drink, when I realised that in my tired state, the car park was SUPER FAR from the hawker centre. I'd gladly have gotten into the car and driven straight home. But I couldn't bear not going back for the drink I ordered after promising to do so. So, I had the pleasure of walking past the cable ski park a grand total of 4 times today. Ha. One day I must try. Also wanna try SKIING. I should really do all these things before I get too old for everything.

I think, actually, my biggest regret or slump of the day, was not the fact that I ran more or that I threw up or that I'm feeling hot and headachey as I write, but that I wasted the efforts of my team mates, who had put in their best in their events. Feel so bad that I dragged the team down with my stupidity. I should have just opened my golden mouth earlier to ask. Sigh.

I feel like an idiot.