It's been some time since i took time to walk, and to think. Guess it was forced upon me in a way. That's the woe of a driver, i feel. We get everywhere so much faster and even while we drive we have to concentrate on what we're doing. As a result, the numerous thoughts that i used to get when i took public transport no longer seem to flood my mind as much. On Tue, i had to send the car in for maintenance. Spent the whole afternoon running errands on foot. And as i walked past a particular bus stop, i happened to glance at an advertisement in plain sight of all who passed by. (That's another thing that struck me...ironically, sometimes i think, the more obvious something is, the less people take notice. Things that people pass by on their way to work or on their way home... do people really take notice?) Anyway...i was saying...this advert said, "Do you feel hopeless all the time? You may have depression. Seek early treatment." Something to that effect. And this made me wonder. Gee, are SO many people suffering from depression these days? But aren't we supposed to be leading better lives now? At least, most people think so. Well, then, if our lives are so much better (compared to say, 50 years ago), then WHY are MORE people suffering from depression? It's an irony isn't it? It seems the more we have, the more depressed we get.
I tried thinking back of the times i was depressed. And strangely, i dun remember much of what that must have felt like. Surely i must have been depressed at some point of time? But i really dun remember what i could have been depressed about, nor how sad i was if i were. Perhaps that's a resulf of my premature dementia, but i think in things like these, it is better not to remember. I thank God for the way he made me, bad memory or not. I'm glad i'm like a bouncing ball. (this is what i used to describe myself when i once had to think of an object which best describes me. That was in some ice-breaker game i think.) I'm like a bouncing ball because i go up and i come down. There are times i feel 'up', and when i'm up i'm usually very 'up'. And there are times i feel down, and when i'm down i'm very down. But those never last long =)
love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
A bouncing ball. When I'm up I'm up, when I'm down I'm down. It doesn't take me long to bounce right up again
Prayer for myself...
If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
Prayer Requests...
Career direction: Need godly wisdom in making important decisions and for God to open the way to ST if He so wills.
Spiritual Walk: Discipline in being consistent. Need a revival.
Create your own Friend Test here
Hudson Taylor Rating: ****
Highly recommended read. Very inspiring and touching. Insightful as well.
The Tale of Despereaux Rating: ***
Chinese Cinderella Rating: ****
Chinese Cinderella and the Secret Dragon Society Rating: ***
The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis Letters from Screwtape, a veteran devil, to his amateur nephew. Reveals truths about the Church and christians today. Insightful but heavy.
Creating a Web Page with HTML Just bought this from Popular not too long ago. Essential for a computer dodo like me. Pretty user-friendly lay-out and the colours in there help =)
The NIV Study Bible Started this sometime middle or late last year. Progress real slow. This current read's gonna take a long time. At 1 Chron 7 now. To those on the Bible-reading programme too...Jia you!
16 November 2005
posted by j at 11/16/2005 11:54:00 PM
Been meaning to post this since sunday... Was ministered to when i heard the sermon last sunday. It's been a long time since i heard Eric preach. Really miss his preaching, miss him also, and to a slight extent, his corny jokes... heh.
He preached about pursuing the presence of God, which included 3 'W's - Waiting, Word and Worship. In particular, i was taken when i heard the part on worship.
Imagine this scene. A little boy on a seaside vacation with his family. His dad is dozing off on a beach towel, to the sound of crashing waves. His mom is busy laying out the picnic things and perhaps putting together a simple sandwich for the boy and his sleeping dad. The boy is absorbed in what he is doing...shovelling sand from a hole he has made and dumping the sand in a heap next to him. His brows are furrowed in deep concentration on the task he has to complete. He is oblivious to the things around him in his busyness. After a bit, he puts his shovel aside and wipes the sweat from his face with his t-shirt. He looks up, towards the sea, and for the first time since he has started his task, he looks at the scenery around him. And as he gazes out to sea, at its vastness, and at the horizons which lay before him, he realizes for the first time...how tiny he really is...
If you were that boy...with the realization of how miniscule you really are in relation to what you saw at that point of time...that feeling, that realization, THAT is how WORSHIP starts...
It is when we realise that we are not quite the center of the world (in fact, quite far from that), that our lives are just like a grain of sand on the vast beach, can we begin to understand how vast, how great, how excellent, how wonderful our God is...
And this is how we can see things in the right perspective, from God's perspective, even when things around us don't make sense anymore, we can take comfort in the knowledge that God is sovereign and that things will all eventually make sense when we meet God in heaven. This is worship.
He preached about pursuing the presence of God, which included 3 'W's - Waiting, Word and Worship. In particular, i was taken when i heard the part on worship.
Imagine this scene. A little boy on a seaside vacation with his family. His dad is dozing off on a beach towel, to the sound of crashing waves. His mom is busy laying out the picnic things and perhaps putting together a simple sandwich for the boy and his sleeping dad. The boy is absorbed in what he is doing...shovelling sand from a hole he has made and dumping the sand in a heap next to him. His brows are furrowed in deep concentration on the task he has to complete. He is oblivious to the things around him in his busyness. After a bit, he puts his shovel aside and wipes the sweat from his face with his t-shirt. He looks up, towards the sea, and for the first time since he has started his task, he looks at the scenery around him. And as he gazes out to sea, at its vastness, and at the horizons which lay before him, he realizes for the first time...how tiny he really is...
If you were that boy...with the realization of how miniscule you really are in relation to what you saw at that point of time...that feeling, that realization, THAT is how WORSHIP starts...
It is when we realise that we are not quite the center of the world (in fact, quite far from that), that our lives are just like a grain of sand on the vast beach, can we begin to understand how vast, how great, how excellent, how wonderful our God is...
And this is how we can see things in the right perspective, from God's perspective, even when things around us don't make sense anymore, we can take comfort in the knowledge that God is sovereign and that things will all eventually make sense when we meet God in heaven. This is worship.
O Lord our God, how excellent Your name is
How excellent Your name in all the earth
Your glory fills the heavens beyond the farthest star
How excellent Your name in all the earth
When I think about the heavens
The moon and all the stars
I wonder what You ever saw in me
But You took me and You loved me
And You've given me a crown
And now I'll praise Your name eternally
O Lord our God, how excellent Your name is
How excellent Your name in all the earth
Your glory fills the heavens beyond the farthest star
How excellent Your name in all the earth
11 November 2005
posted by j at 11/11/2005 01:22:00 PM
Had a talk with my HOD yesterday. Think i haven't really heard what management really thinks of me. One, because i don't really care what they think, in a way. Two, because my previous HOD never discussed such things with me in the course of the 2 years i was under him. So anyway, we discussed some of my strengths and weaknesses in the context of work and i was a lil surprised at what she said.
She said that my weakness is that i'm too contented with what i have, and lack a certain ambition to do more. She's worried that new teachers will come in and do better than me because as it is (in their opinion), i'm only performing slightly above the minimum expectation. Meaning, that i'm doing everything a teacher should be doing, but i'm not doing above that because they expect me to volunteer for stuff and be in this or that committee. Thing is, i'm not interested in being leader or to be in as many committees as possible, or to make a lot of noise (which some do) in order to get those higher up to notice me. In fact, i'm very happy where i am, hidden in my little corner and being unnoticed by most. I really am. And while i'm surprised that she chose to use the word 'contented' (cos i never think of myself as contented), it is in a way, true. I have no ambition whatsoever in the work place. I just want to get whatever needs to be done, done. So that i can go off to either rest, or work on something else. Cos i do have many things in church to worry about or do. I have meetings, bible study, cell group, exercise classes, vocal classes, tennis, badminton and loads of other stuff to attend too. I can't afford to center my whole life and effort on work only. But then the reality of things is that the management is just gonna expect more and more from me because i'm supposed to be getting more experienced. And if i don't give them what they wanna see, i'm gonna be deemed incompetent because i'm not doing enough by their standards. How?
Maybe this is just not meant to be my career.
My question is this: Why do you have to be in committees and volunteer to do extra stuff (which often may not be related to the academic nor moral well-being of the child) in order to be considered competent or good at your job? Why is being good at what you are supposed to be doing, not good enough and not deserving of any credit? In other words, it seems to me that i can be a lousy teacher in the classroom, one who cares nuts about whether students live or die, but as long as i volunteer for extra stuff and look busy and enthusiastic, i can 'perform' and be promoted? Is that how certain leaders get to where they are? Ok...i should have said questionS...not question.
I'd be lying if i said i wasn't disappointed or slightly discouraged.
The bright side of it all i guess, was that i sincerely believe that my HOD believed i could do better. She said that she knows i'm competent in my work and that i have enough subject mastery to do a good job. It's just that i'm too contented with my lot. Bottomline is, she wants me to try and stick my neck out abit more next year. Sigh. Other weakness she mentioned was that i need to think about more ways/strategies to teach effectively. Which i agree with. Because personally, i think that i'm a boring teacher. It's usually just the whiteboard, the marker and me. The boring trio. Only thing interesting about me is probably my facial contortions, high squeaky voice and the element of unpredicatability in my class. They never know when i'm going to do what. Aside from that, my teaching is....BORING.
On a good note, she did mention my strengths as well. She said my english is good. Which is why she wants me to do Express students from now on, and not just NA and NT. She knows also that i drill my sec ones very hard on the basic grammar rules, which is probably why she acceded to my request for sec one classes next year. The other strength she mentioned was my classroom management. Apparently this is something which is obvious to all the Heads. I have no problems making sure my class listens to me when i teach. I guess this is a perk i need. I need encouragement a lot, i find. It is, to me, what sunlight does for a flower. Heh. Hence, sunflowers. But seriously, as i mentioned to H last night, i think classroom management is plain commonsense. How some teachers can continue talking while the class talks is baffling. The logic eludes me. To me, it's plain and simple. I talk, you listen. You talk, i don't talk. What for? Waste my time and energy. Sure, maybe some students like you because you are lenient. But....DUH??!
Here's what some of my students told me with regards to classroom management...
Seriously, would YOU consider that a compliment if you were Mr D?
Had another talk with some other students about a really nice teacher. I was reprimanding them because they did so badly in one of their subjects. I asked they why they don't put in the effort when their teacher has been so nice. Just doesn't seem fair to him. And while they agreed that he was nice, they also said he was TOO nice. And then it occured to me that students ARE actually sensible enough to realize when teachers being nice isn't everything. In fact, they pretty much admitted that they needed to be scolded in order to maintain order to learn. The irony is, they weren't sensible enough to discipline themselves to behave and learn in class while Mr Nice Guy was teaching. In the end, they gave up on that subject altogether. Almost every single one of that class. Actually, i'd like to have tried my hand at that subject... Think there's this rebellious streak in me that makes me wanna try what others couldn't manage. So while this class admitted to me that they didn't like me scolding them, they also admitted that it was good for them because it made them pay attention. And they really did put in effort for their exams. Well, outsiders who don't know them wouldn't think they looked like they put in effort. But for ppl of their character and attention span, i think they did their best =)
Overall, i think i'm pretty pleased with the past year. Most of my classes did pretty well, especially my form class. SO proud of them!! Here's their Mean Subject Grade by class...the lower the better.
1A - 2.75
1B - 3.18
1C - 3.95
1D - 4.1
1E - 3.9
Well, it may not seem fantastic to you guys but for me it's good enuf. I teach the 2 tail-end classes you see. 1E is my form class. Tail-end classes are famous for being problematic most times. It is kinda related to how well they do academically also. But my 1E performed better than even the C class in English!! I'm so proud of them! Also, most of them will be promoted to better classes next year. I even have some going to 2B and 2C next year. Less than half the class will be staying on in 2E =)
Out of curiosity, i went to check up the MSG for the class i taught last year. I was given the second NA class out of two classes in that level. They are grouped by classes according to their PSLE results you see. So the second class, my class, would be the weaker students academically. Anyways, in English, they did better than the other class in the same stream and level even tho they are not as good in English! Even the expectations that we had for 1F was lower than for 1E...
See...
Target MSG Mid yr MSG EOY MSG
1E 3.5 5.2 4.8
1F (my class) 4.0 5.2 4.6
Yay... so happy for them...=) So the scoldings weren't entirely in vain. Even now, many of them stop to greet me and say hi. Really like that class.
More ramblings when i start my brain engine again...=)
She said that my weakness is that i'm too contented with what i have, and lack a certain ambition to do more. She's worried that new teachers will come in and do better than me because as it is (in their opinion), i'm only performing slightly above the minimum expectation. Meaning, that i'm doing everything a teacher should be doing, but i'm not doing above that because they expect me to volunteer for stuff and be in this or that committee. Thing is, i'm not interested in being leader or to be in as many committees as possible, or to make a lot of noise (which some do) in order to get those higher up to notice me. In fact, i'm very happy where i am, hidden in my little corner and being unnoticed by most. I really am. And while i'm surprised that she chose to use the word 'contented' (cos i never think of myself as contented), it is in a way, true. I have no ambition whatsoever in the work place. I just want to get whatever needs to be done, done. So that i can go off to either rest, or work on something else. Cos i do have many things in church to worry about or do. I have meetings, bible study, cell group, exercise classes, vocal classes, tennis, badminton and loads of other stuff to attend too. I can't afford to center my whole life and effort on work only. But then the reality of things is that the management is just gonna expect more and more from me because i'm supposed to be getting more experienced. And if i don't give them what they wanna see, i'm gonna be deemed incompetent because i'm not doing enough by their standards. How?
Maybe this is just not meant to be my career.
My question is this: Why do you have to be in committees and volunteer to do extra stuff (which often may not be related to the academic nor moral well-being of the child) in order to be considered competent or good at your job? Why is being good at what you are supposed to be doing, not good enough and not deserving of any credit? In other words, it seems to me that i can be a lousy teacher in the classroom, one who cares nuts about whether students live or die, but as long as i volunteer for extra stuff and look busy and enthusiastic, i can 'perform' and be promoted? Is that how certain leaders get to where they are? Ok...i should have said questionS...not question.
I'd be lying if i said i wasn't disappointed or slightly discouraged.
The bright side of it all i guess, was that i sincerely believe that my HOD believed i could do better. She said that she knows i'm competent in my work and that i have enough subject mastery to do a good job. It's just that i'm too contented with my lot. Bottomline is, she wants me to try and stick my neck out abit more next year. Sigh. Other weakness she mentioned was that i need to think about more ways/strategies to teach effectively. Which i agree with. Because personally, i think that i'm a boring teacher. It's usually just the whiteboard, the marker and me. The boring trio. Only thing interesting about me is probably my facial contortions, high squeaky voice and the element of unpredicatability in my class. They never know when i'm going to do what. Aside from that, my teaching is....BORING.
On a good note, she did mention my strengths as well. She said my english is good. Which is why she wants me to do Express students from now on, and not just NA and NT. She knows also that i drill my sec ones very hard on the basic grammar rules, which is probably why she acceded to my request for sec one classes next year. The other strength she mentioned was my classroom management. Apparently this is something which is obvious to all the Heads. I have no problems making sure my class listens to me when i teach. I guess this is a perk i need. I need encouragement a lot, i find. It is, to me, what sunlight does for a flower. Heh. Hence, sunflowers. But seriously, as i mentioned to H last night, i think classroom management is plain commonsense. How some teachers can continue talking while the class talks is baffling. The logic eludes me. To me, it's plain and simple. I talk, you listen. You talk, i don't talk. What for? Waste my time and energy. Sure, maybe some students like you because you are lenient. But....DUH??!
Here's what some of my students told me with regards to classroom management...
Cher, we like Mr D, cos he talk...we oso talk...
Seriously, would YOU consider that a compliment if you were Mr D?
Had another talk with some other students about a really nice teacher. I was reprimanding them because they did so badly in one of their subjects. I asked they why they don't put in the effort when their teacher has been so nice. Just doesn't seem fair to him. And while they agreed that he was nice, they also said he was TOO nice. And then it occured to me that students ARE actually sensible enough to realize when teachers being nice isn't everything. In fact, they pretty much admitted that they needed to be scolded in order to maintain order to learn. The irony is, they weren't sensible enough to discipline themselves to behave and learn in class while Mr Nice Guy was teaching. In the end, they gave up on that subject altogether. Almost every single one of that class. Actually, i'd like to have tried my hand at that subject... Think there's this rebellious streak in me that makes me wanna try what others couldn't manage. So while this class admitted to me that they didn't like me scolding them, they also admitted that it was good for them because it made them pay attention. And they really did put in effort for their exams. Well, outsiders who don't know them wouldn't think they looked like they put in effort. But for ppl of their character and attention span, i think they did their best =)
Overall, i think i'm pretty pleased with the past year. Most of my classes did pretty well, especially my form class. SO proud of them!! Here's their Mean Subject Grade by class...the lower the better.
1A - 2.75
1B - 3.18
1C - 3.95
1D - 4.1
1E - 3.9
Well, it may not seem fantastic to you guys but for me it's good enuf. I teach the 2 tail-end classes you see. 1E is my form class. Tail-end classes are famous for being problematic most times. It is kinda related to how well they do academically also. But my 1E performed better than even the C class in English!! I'm so proud of them! Also, most of them will be promoted to better classes next year. I even have some going to 2B and 2C next year. Less than half the class will be staying on in 2E =)
Out of curiosity, i went to check up the MSG for the class i taught last year. I was given the second NA class out of two classes in that level. They are grouped by classes according to their PSLE results you see. So the second class, my class, would be the weaker students academically. Anyways, in English, they did better than the other class in the same stream and level even tho they are not as good in English! Even the expectations that we had for 1F was lower than for 1E...
See...
Target MSG Mid yr MSG EOY MSG
1E 3.5 5.2 4.8
1F (my class) 4.0 5.2 4.6
Yay... so happy for them...=) So the scoldings weren't entirely in vain. Even now, many of them stop to greet me and say hi. Really like that class.
More ramblings when i start my brain engine again...=)
09 November 2005
posted by j at 11/09/2005 03:15:00 PM
I just spent the entire morning, my lunch time and half the afternoon doing a stupid work review which management probably won't even look at! What an anal waste of time!! It's things like these that make you wonder why intelligent beings like humans would even dream up something like WORK REVIEW to torment ourselves! Arrghh...
I HATE WORK REVIEWS!!
I HATE WORK REVIEWS!!
posted by j at 11/09/2005 03:00:00 PM
Heard this at BS yesterday and wanted to share with you...
Understand?
I like...
Yesterday the whole issue of the End times and the concept of Hell and Hades came up. She zoomed thru so fast it was hard to catch everything. Altho this is not the first time i've heard it, i still get confused about some stuff. I think i understand, but then when frens pose questions to me, i find that i'm not able to answer everything. So have approached a fren to explain things to me. Haven't arranged a time to meet, but hope so it will happen.
Anyways, yesterday i also met a fren i haven't seen in a while. I'm so in love with his voice. He's got the most gorgeous voice i've heard in a guy, and he sings so effortlessly! i'm so impressed! Especially when he sings cantonese songs...can just melt and die. Even if i dun really understand cantonese. Heh. Pls God, could you pls gimme a guys who will sing to me and cause me to melt like butter on a sidewalk on a sunny day? Sigh... A bonus, but still, nice.. *grin*
It's always good meeting an old fren nevertheless...=)
Born once, die twice
Born twice, die once
Understand?
I like...
Yesterday the whole issue of the End times and the concept of Hell and Hades came up. She zoomed thru so fast it was hard to catch everything. Altho this is not the first time i've heard it, i still get confused about some stuff. I think i understand, but then when frens pose questions to me, i find that i'm not able to answer everything. So have approached a fren to explain things to me. Haven't arranged a time to meet, but hope so it will happen.
Anyways, yesterday i also met a fren i haven't seen in a while. I'm so in love with his voice. He's got the most gorgeous voice i've heard in a guy, and he sings so effortlessly! i'm so impressed! Especially when he sings cantonese songs...can just melt and die. Even if i dun really understand cantonese. Heh. Pls God, could you pls gimme a guys who will sing to me and cause me to melt like butter on a sidewalk on a sunny day? Sigh... A bonus, but still, nice.. *grin*
It's always good meeting an old fren nevertheless...=)
08 November 2005
posted by j at 11/08/2005 12:40:00 AM
I'm starting to wonder if i've bitten off more than i can chew this holidays. Somehow i've been loaded with pretty heavy responsibilities for both mission trips. Thought that being a first-timer would earn me some 'sit-back-and-look-at-things' time on the cambodia trip. Somehow or other, ended up being programme coord on both trips...wonder how that happened. Tried to siam in vain.
School's pretty stressful in spite of no students. Everyday i feel lethargy thinking of my work. Can't seem to get things moving. Somehow, i'm able to find many other small things that need to be done and end up not doing the big stuff i'm avoiding. many deadlines this fri and next.
Anyways, on the whole, i still think i rather be in this present state, than teaching during term time. The students really wear me out. Next year, there's gonna be plenty of changes. AGAIN! Sigh... how come other new schools seem to get established so much faster? Everyone else i know in new schools elsewhere seem to have settled down leh...
On a different note, have you ever experienced being praised by someone whom you don't really like? May not be someone you dislike, just dun really lurve lah.. Dun really know what to make of it. It's this i.... teacher in my school. Dunno what position he's supposed to have. Dunno if he's a Head of some sort or a normal teacher. Had a meeting with a team of colleagues, including him. Was a long 3 hour meeting. I haven't had much contact with him. In fact, he doesn't even know my name. Not even sure if he even realised my existence, cos i'm pretty low-key and certain ppl are the sort who don't bother with the sesame-seed-green-bean ppl... Anyway, it was almost as if it took him that meeting to see me in a different light. Every comment i made would make him either look at me appraisingly or make a remark like, "Good point!" or something to that effect. After about three quarters of the way thru, he finally deigned to ask me my name. hmph. Towards the end of the meeting, he commented on my brain. Said i had a critical and analytical mind and that that was good for teaching humanities. Guess which subject he teaches? Anyway, can't figure if it was all a farce to trick me into joining his department.
From that meeting, i also realised that it seems my body language is pretty apparent. So much so that it's scary. Why do i say so? Because at some point of the meeting, this guy left to attend to something. So the rest of us continued with the report we had to come up with. When he returned some time later, he wanted to go thru what we had already completed. What's more, after he had gone thru that, he wanted to make amendments to our efforts. That kinda pissed me off somewhat cos that was just prolonging the already-long meeting. Started thinking he shouldn't have gone off if that's the case. Also, he was amending the report to make it sound diplomatic and slightly off the mark. I felt that it was more important to be honest. After all, this was supposed to be our reflection of our feedback and thoughts. So the clearer and more precise the better. There shouldn't have to be any compromise in honesty if we want to change the system for the better. Well, in any case he was so insistent we had no choice. Obliged unobligingly. I tried to disagree but to no avail. All this while, i was standing just behind the leader who was typing notes directly into the comp. When i realised arguing with this guy was no use, not being able to voice my frustration, i went back to my seat. It was almost like a silent protest. To my surprise, he actually noticed that and guessed correctly that i was unhappy. Tried to call me back, saying that my ideas were valued. Yeah, right. Just said i was tired and needed to sit down after all that standing. Lucky for me, my long-time jc fren cum colleague backed me up.
There's something about these i....s. They seem to love having contact. When a colleague went to the restroom for a moment, he came over and sat beside me, very close. I had to balance myself on the edge of MY chair...away from him. At some point of time, he even leaned over and touched my arm. Arrgh!!! Fed-up. What's with them??
Must go get myself an armor.. or i-repellent...hmm...
School's pretty stressful in spite of no students. Everyday i feel lethargy thinking of my work. Can't seem to get things moving. Somehow, i'm able to find many other small things that need to be done and end up not doing the big stuff i'm avoiding. many deadlines this fri and next.
Anyways, on the whole, i still think i rather be in this present state, than teaching during term time. The students really wear me out. Next year, there's gonna be plenty of changes. AGAIN! Sigh... how come other new schools seem to get established so much faster? Everyone else i know in new schools elsewhere seem to have settled down leh...
On a different note, have you ever experienced being praised by someone whom you don't really like? May not be someone you dislike, just dun really lurve lah.. Dun really know what to make of it. It's this i.... teacher in my school. Dunno what position he's supposed to have. Dunno if he's a Head of some sort or a normal teacher. Had a meeting with a team of colleagues, including him. Was a long 3 hour meeting. I haven't had much contact with him. In fact, he doesn't even know my name. Not even sure if he even realised my existence, cos i'm pretty low-key and certain ppl are the sort who don't bother with the sesame-seed-green-bean ppl... Anyway, it was almost as if it took him that meeting to see me in a different light. Every comment i made would make him either look at me appraisingly or make a remark like, "Good point!" or something to that effect. After about three quarters of the way thru, he finally deigned to ask me my name. hmph. Towards the end of the meeting, he commented on my brain. Said i had a critical and analytical mind and that that was good for teaching humanities. Guess which subject he teaches? Anyway, can't figure if it was all a farce to trick me into joining his department.
From that meeting, i also realised that it seems my body language is pretty apparent. So much so that it's scary. Why do i say so? Because at some point of the meeting, this guy left to attend to something. So the rest of us continued with the report we had to come up with. When he returned some time later, he wanted to go thru what we had already completed. What's more, after he had gone thru that, he wanted to make amendments to our efforts. That kinda pissed me off somewhat cos that was just prolonging the already-long meeting. Started thinking he shouldn't have gone off if that's the case. Also, he was amending the report to make it sound diplomatic and slightly off the mark. I felt that it was more important to be honest. After all, this was supposed to be our reflection of our feedback and thoughts. So the clearer and more precise the better. There shouldn't have to be any compromise in honesty if we want to change the system for the better. Well, in any case he was so insistent we had no choice. Obliged unobligingly. I tried to disagree but to no avail. All this while, i was standing just behind the leader who was typing notes directly into the comp. When i realised arguing with this guy was no use, not being able to voice my frustration, i went back to my seat. It was almost like a silent protest. To my surprise, he actually noticed that and guessed correctly that i was unhappy. Tried to call me back, saying that my ideas were valued. Yeah, right. Just said i was tired and needed to sit down after all that standing. Lucky for me, my long-time jc fren cum colleague backed me up.
There's something about these i....s. They seem to love having contact. When a colleague went to the restroom for a moment, he came over and sat beside me, very close. I had to balance myself on the edge of MY chair...away from him. At some point of time, he even leaned over and touched my arm. Arrgh!!! Fed-up. What's with them??
Must go get myself an armor.. or i-repellent...hmm...
07 November 2005
posted by j at 11/07/2005 11:35:00 AM
This is how i felt when i woke this morning. Rooted. Like i grew roots overnight, which bound me to my bed. I think i slept like the dead last night. Don't rem when was the last time i felt this tired. Must be because i slept late the night before, woke relatively early, taught sunday school and had some vigorous badminton followed by badly-executed tennis. By the time i got home, i was ready to pass out.
This morning, i could have passed off as a zombie. After having been awake for more than 3 hours, at 11am, my colleague still said to me, "Are you sick? Why u look like u just woke up??".. Sigh.. I left the house in a rush this morning. Bad choice. After stepping out and walking a few steps, i realised i'd forgotten both my car and house keys... rushed back, grabbed them, took the lift down....then realised i'd forgotten my handphone...had to take the lift up again. Sigh. My maid had a good time laughing at me. Can't rem the last time i attempted that stunt.
Now i'm having that all too familiar rooted feeling again. Can't seem to bring myself to do work proper. Have SOOOOoo much to do it's CRIPPLING. Ya, crippling is the word. Dunno where to start. Just had a meeting which gave me more work to do. Sigh. Gotta start preparing for next year when i haven't even finished cleaning up this year's act. DIE! Gotta get my engine started...
This morning, i could have passed off as a zombie. After having been awake for more than 3 hours, at 11am, my colleague still said to me, "Are you sick? Why u look like u just woke up??".. Sigh.. I left the house in a rush this morning. Bad choice. After stepping out and walking a few steps, i realised i'd forgotten both my car and house keys... rushed back, grabbed them, took the lift down....then realised i'd forgotten my handphone...had to take the lift up again. Sigh. My maid had a good time laughing at me. Can't rem the last time i attempted that stunt.
Now i'm having that all too familiar rooted feeling again. Can't seem to bring myself to do work proper. Have SOOOOoo much to do it's CRIPPLING. Ya, crippling is the word. Dunno where to start. Just had a meeting which gave me more work to do. Sigh. Gotta start preparing for next year when i haven't even finished cleaning up this year's act. DIE! Gotta get my engine started...