Others went out on the sea in ships; they were merchants on the mighty waters. They saw the works of the Lord.... - Psalm 107:23-24a

When you were a child, perhaps you may have gone to the ocean for a vacation. I recall wading out until the waves began crashing on my knees. As long as I could stand firm, the waves were of no concern to me. However, as I moved farther and farther into the ocean, I had less control over my ability to stand. Sometimes the current was so strong it moved me down the beach, and I even lost my bearings at times. But I have never gone so far into the ocean that I was not able to control the situation.

Sometimes God takes us into such deep waters that we lose control of the situation, and we have no choice but to fully trust in His care for us. This is doing business in great waters. It is in these great waters that we see the works of God.

The Scriptures tell us that the disciples testified of what they saw and heard. It was the power behind the gospel, not the words themselves, which changed the world. The power wasn't seen until circumstances got to the point that there were no alternatives but God. Sometimes God has to take us into the deep water in order to give us the privilege to see His works.

Sometimes God takes us into the deep waters of life for an extended time. Joseph was taken into deep waters of adversity for 17 years. Rejection by his brothers, enslavement to Pharaoh, and imprisonment were the deep waters for Joseph. During those deep waters, he experienced dreams, a special anointing of his gifts to administrate, and great wisdom beyond his years. The deep water was preparation for a task that was so great he never could have imagined it. He was to see God's works more clearly than anyone in his generation. God had too much at stake for a 30-year-old to mess it up. So, God took Joseph through the deep waters of preparation to ensure that he would survive what he was about to face. Pride normally engulfs such young servants who have such access to power at such a young age.

If God chooses to take us into deep waters, it is for a reason. The greater the calling, the deeper the water. Trust in His knowledge that your deep waters are preparation to see the works of God in your life.

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Think for many of us around, this is a struggle. No one likes to be not in control of things and situations. Requires a huge dose of trust in God and His character, to know that He is in control and He has a purpose for us being where we are and dealing with the struggles we are facing. This passage really spoke to me.

The Lord has torn the kingdom out of your hands and given it to one of your neighbors-to David. - 1 Samuel 28:17b

When God anoints a person, a pattern of testing appears to take place at specific times in the leader's life. God often takes each leader through four major tests to determine if that person will achieve God's ultimate call on his or her life. The person's response to these tests is the deciding factor in whether they can advance to the next level of responsibility in God's Kingdom.

Control-Control is one of the first tests. Saul spent most of his time as king trying to prevent others from getting what he had. Saul never got to the place with God in which he was a grateful recipient of God's goodness to him. Saul was a religious controller. This control led to disobedience and ultimately being rejected by God because Saul no longer was a vessel God could use.

Bitterness-Every major character in the Bible was hurt by another person at one time or another. Jesus was hurt deeply when Judas, a trusted follower, betrayed Him. Despite knowing this was going to happen, Jesus responded by washing Judas' feet. Every anointed leader will have a Judas experience at one time or another. God watches us to see how we will respond to this test. Will we take up an offense? Will we retaliate? It is one of the most difficult tests to pass.

Power-Power is the opposite of servanthood. Jesus had all authority in Heaven and earth, so satan tempted Jesus at the top of the mountain to use His power to remove Himself from a difficult circumstance. How will we use the power and influence God has entrusted to us? Do we seek to gain more power? There is a common phrase in the investment community, "He who has the gold rules." Jesus modeled the opposite. He was the ultimate servant leader.

Greed-This is a difficult one. Money has the ability to have great influence for either good or bad. When it is a focus in our life, it becomes a tool of destruction. When it is a by-product, it can become a great blessing. Many leaders started out well-only to be derailed once prosperity became a part of their life. There are thousands who can blossom spiritually in adversity; only a few can thrive spiritually under prosperity.

As leaders, we must be aware when we are being tested. You can be confident that each one of these tests will be thrown your way if God calls you for His purposes. Will you pass these tests? Ask for God's grace today to walk through these tests victoriously.

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Which are you more susceptible to? Think for me it could be bitterness... mm...must learn to surrender it to Him and trust that He will vindicate me and help me fight my battles. Must not take things into my own hands.

Today didn't start off too well. Probably a fault of my own. Haven't been able to see the stars from inside my forest. But by God's grace, the day didn't end as badly as it started.

Sometime in the afternoon, a mental image came to me. A bawling child screaming, kicking, pounding the floor and throwing a tantrum because she did not get her way. A common sight in shopping centres and what-nots. The child was crying herself sick and refusing any help or any alternative proffered in pacification.

Then, a second image came into mind. A father standing near the child, watching and waiting for the tirade to stop. Worried that the child might really be sick, he went over to the bawling child, picked her up and set her firmly on her feet saying firmly but gently, "That's enough. It's time to stop." Chastisement from the Father. I felt it keenly today.

Indeed, it's time to stop. Time to move on.

I've learnt many lessons over the past month. Perhaps one day I'll share them with you. But for now, I need to mull over them a bit more and internalise them. I just hope today's resolve will not disappear tomorrow morning when I wake.

For those who have been praying, thank you so much. I'm very grateful. I choose to think that your prayers played a part in the chastisement of this child. Thank you my dear friends, for all your love, your encouragement, your time and sacrifices, for making me feel less alone and for showing me what it really means to be in the family of Christ. I love you guys very much and I hope I will be able to do the same for you if ever you need a friend too.

But Paul shouted, "Don't harm yourself! We are all here!" - Acts 16:28

Paul and Silas had just been thrown into prison. An earthquake erupted and the jail cell was opened. It's Paul and Silas' opportunity. "Deliverance! Praise God!" might be the appropriate response. But this is not what Paul and Silas did. In fact, rather than leave, they sat quietly in their cell area. The guard, in fear of his life, knew that it would be automatic death if prisoners escaped. Paul and Silas did not leave because they saw a higher purpose for which they were in prison. They were not looking at their circumstance; they were much more concerned about the unsaved guard. The story goes on to explain how Paul and Silas went home with the guard and his family. Not only did the guard get saved, but his entire household as well.

What a lesson this is for us. How often we are so busy looking for deliverance from our circumstance that we miss God completely. God is looking to do miracles in our circumstances if we will only look for them. Sometimes as workplace believers we become so obsessed with our goals we miss the process that God involves us in, which may be where the miracle lies. What if that bill collector who has been hounding you is unsaved and he is there for you to speak to? What if a problem account has arisen due to something God is doing beyond what you might see at this time? Our adverse situations can often be the door of spiritual opportunity for those who need it.

I saw this personally when God allowed me to go through a number of adversities. It took some time, but I saw some great miracles as a result of those adversities. When God said that "all things work together for good for those who are called according to His purposes" (see Rom. 8:28), He meant all things. It is up to us to find the "work together for good" part by being faithful to the process. In the next adversity you face, tune your spiritual antennae and ask God for discernment to see the real purpose for the adversity.

Can't breathe, can't stop thinking, palpitations, anxiety attacks, dam threatening to burst forth, insomnia, loss of appetite, fear of going home, fear of sleeplessness, fear of eating alone, no wish for anything...

God, Your Word tells us to love our enemies, to pray for those who spite or persecute us. That's quite a "tall order" for a human, but through the enabling of Your Holy Spirit, I can do it. Please remind me to pray instead of complain, to pray instead of get angry, to pray instead of feel sorry for myself. I pray for all the people I have relationships with in my family, neighborhood, workplace, church, school...wherever I live, work, and play, that you would help them to focus on You. If they do not know you, draw them to You. If they do know You, remind them to think "What would Jesus do?" before they act. Remind me too. Thank you for Your love and patience with us. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

Note: For those who don't know, I subscribe to Prime Time with God, a daily christian email. This prayer is taken from there. From time to time, when certain portions of the email speak to me, I'd share them with you guys. Hope these speak to you as it did to me.

Been sick. Down with flu. Apparently the flu jab lasts only a year. Boy, how true that is. I took my flu jab Dec 2005. Jan 2007 the flu bug hit me. Was on mc from mon to wed last week. Thursday saw me crawling out of bed unwillingly. On some level, I think I was trying to convince myself that I was still too sick to go to work. I was NOT looking forward to my lesson with my third batch of 4NT students. 4 years into teaching and I've had to take a graduating class EVERY SINGLE YEAR! And 3 of these 4 years, I've had to take 4NT. Anyone who knows anything about NT students will know they are not easy to handle. Seriously. For those who've been keeping up with my life in the past few years would know too. Hence, I was definitely not looking forward to seeing them on my first day back in school after 3 long days of mc. I wasn't exactly in the pink of health, if you know what I mean.

Anyways, the short of it was, THEY WERE SUCH DARLINGS in class that day =) I was pleasantly surprised honestly. I didn't say a single word in that lesson. Everything I had to say, I wrote out or gestured. They were so quiet and attentive, it was amazing. One of the noisy ones even volunteered to help me give out their files because I couldn't shout out their names loud enough. It was really heartwarming. So I praised them and promised them sweets the next day. I wrote them compliments on the board in big letters and beamed at them.

The next day I walked into class, I noticed that the compliments I paid them the day before were still on the board. Ha! Bet they get praised so little that this was one of the few occasions someone wrote something good about them. One of the boys was quick to remind me that I promised them sweets. I assured them that I didn't forget. Most of them were pretty well behaved that Friday too. But some of the more mischievous ones were back to their usual antics. Which I kinda expected. But I was still glad for that one day that showed me what good they were capable of, and how they could, in spite of their far-from-desirable track records, warm my heart with their goodwill and consideration.

I think I know why they were so good. You know why? Cos I prayed that God would give me special grace with that class, especially for that morning =) Thank you God!

..."What have I done? What is my crime? How have I wronged your father, that he is trying to take my life?" - 1 Samuel 20:1

The cost of being one of God's anointed can be great. Those whom God has anointed for service and influence in His Kingdom go through a special preparation. David was anointed to be the next king over Israel. Shortly after this, while still a young boy, he was brought into King Saul's service to play music in Saul's court. While there, the opportunity to stand up against Goliath elevated David for his next stage of development as future king. As his popularity grew so did Saul's jealousy. However, even Saul's jealousy was God's instrument for molding and shaping David.

Saul finally decided he could no longer tolerate David's success and popularity among the people, so he tried to kill David. The confused young shepherd boy spent many years hiding in wilderness caves before he was able to see the hand of God in all of this. No doubt David thought that when Samuel anointed him he would be conveniently raised up to be king with all the accompanying benefits of kingship. Not so. God's preparation of David involved much persecution, disloyalty, and hardship. These were the lessons necessary to be a godly king. God brought many tests in David's life, just as He did with Saul. David passed these tests. Saul did not.

When God anoints us, it often is accompanied by some severe tests. These tests are designed to prepare us for the calling God has on our life. Should we fail these tests God cannot elevate us to the next level. For a workplace believer, these tests often involve money, relationships, and other issues of the heart.

What if God has chosen you for a specific purpose in His Kingdom? Are you passing the tests He is bringing about in your life? These tests are designed to bring about greater obedience. In most instances, it will involve great adversity. The Bible tells us that the King of kings learned obedience through the things that He suffered (see Heb. 5:8). If this is true, why would it be any different for His children? Be aware of the tests God may be bringing before you in order to prepare you for His service.

..."Why are you crying out to Me? Tell the Israelites to move on." - Exodus 14:15

Moses had brought the whole nation of Israel, approximately 600,000, to a dead end in the desert. The only thing between Israel and Pharaoh's pursuing army was the Red Sea. This was after nine plagues God had inflicted on Pharaoh to motivate him to free the Israelites. Finally, Pharaoh had freed Moses and the people, and they left Egypt. They thought they were home free. "Freedom at last," they said. But God did a strange thing. He directed Moses to take a route that led to the Red Sea, instead of the northern route around the Red Sea. God explained that He didn't want them fighting the enemies they would have encountered on this route. But still, there was the issue of the Red Sea.

They finally arrived at the Red Sea, and the people were wondering where they would go from there. News hit the camp: Pharaoh had changed his mind. He was coming after them with his army. Panic set in. The defenseless Israelites cried out, "Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die?...It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!" (Ex. 14:11b-12)

God sometimes brings each of us to a "Red Sea" in our life. It may be a work problem that can't be solved. It may be a marriage that seems to be failing. It may be a debilitating disease. Whatever your Red Sea, God tells us one thing: "Keep moving." The Red Sea was before them, yet God was angered at Moses and told him to "Keep moving."

"But Lord, the Red Sea is before me." "Keep moving." When we live by sight, we act on what we see. God sets this stage in dramatic fashion. God is into the dramatic. There is no way out without God here. That is just the way He wants it. No one will get glory except God.

A friend once admonished me when I was in the midst of a marriage separation that eventually led to a divorce, "You must not withdraw from being proactive in your faith just because of this trial that you are in. God's hand is on your life. There are too many who are depending on you to fulfill the purposes God has in your life. Keep moving! Keep investing yourself in others." I didn't feel like it. I was in too much pain. But I did it anyway. God met me at the point of my greatest need once I decided simply to be obedient. Getting past myself by investing myself in others helped heal the pain. There is great healing when we look past our own problems and seek to invest ourselves in others for the sake of Christ. This is when our own Red Seas become parted. We begin to walk to freedom. But we will never experience the miracle of the Red Sea in our lives if we don't first "Keep moving."

One thing I was reminded of today:

Learn to acknowledge that God is working in my life, even to the smallest minute detail. Otherwise, I might do things out of my own limited strength, instead of relying on His limitless resources, or worse still, I might snatch the glory for myself, instead of recognizing my true state - that if not for the grace of God, I would be destined for eternal fire.

Dear God,

I recognize that Your ways are often not our ways. I praise You that You know what is best and what it will take to accomplish Your purpose in our lives. Sometimes it is not pleasant for us, but the end result is for our good and Your glory. Thank You for watching over us and working out Your plan for us in spite of our hardheadedness, and sometimes our wrong choices. Your ways are the best ways. Please help me to begin to think more like Jesus, so that I may live in Your will and be pleasing to You. Thank you, also, for all Your many blessings. In Jesus' name I pray and give You thanks. Amen.

Gave spelling to some sec 4 students today. This is what one of them spelled:

MOOSTARCH

Any takers on what the REAL word is? heh

Thank you for your card. Sorry I didn't reply or respond earlier. I didn't know how and what to say. I didn't voice things out because I didn't want to bother too many people with my problems. So I only told people who asked and whom I'm close to. I didn't see any point in taking the initiative to approach people who are busy with their own lives, just to unload my unhappiness on them. Honestly though, I must admit that I wondered how long it'd take before you'd notice that I was somewhat gone from your life in the past 2 weeks. I know you have a heart for people. More so than most other people. And you'd always be willing to listen and generally be the sympathetic company and companion. However, I also know that with your soft heart, you'd probably be willing to do that with most people, if not anyone who comes to you for help. I just didn't want to be part of the pack of needy people surrounding you.

Another reason why I didn't go to you was because I sense that you've been pretty preoccupied these days. Last thing I needed was to ask to go out and be rejected. Also, I sensed you've been pretty happy, so I didn't want to deflate your balloon. On a selfish note, it was for me like what I once read in a book, "How heavy roll the wheels of others' happiness when your heart is heavy-laden".

Won't go into details of what was bothering me, cos I'm trying to move on and talking about it too much probably won't help. I will however, share with you what I learnt in time, if the opportunity arises. Or if i am inspired to blog about it one day.

On a different note, I hope my broaching this subject time and again won't put you off. I know it's not something you want to hear, and its probably strange to hear, but it worries me that you've been so happy, and that you've been disappearing more, or so it seems. I, like many others I know, have gone against my better judgement, only to regret it. If, by God's grace, things turn out the way you hope, it would only be a bonus on your part. It is not a given. If you go through with this and what you hope for does not happen, there will only be two 'endings'. One, you will, in time, fall away from God because you and I both know walking with God is not easy. It's easier to get dragged off a table than for one to pull someone else onto the table. Two, there will come a time when you find that you have to make a choice once and for all. Remember what was taught: "We have to choose to be either FOR God or to be AGAINST God. If we refuse to choose God, then by default we are choosing to be against Him." And after some time has lapsed, it gets harder and harder to extricate yourself and choose God. I know this full well. I think you do too. If and when (and I hope you do) you choose God, it will hurt a lot more because there'll be many voids to fill.

I love you, that's why I don't want to see this happen to you. The last thing I want is for you to hate me for saying what you don't want to hear. I also know that by saying these things, you may consciously or unconsciously not want to talk to me again. But your welfare is more important to me than your approval. This said, I will also say this. I cannot force you to choose God. But no matter how you choose to walk your path, I will still be your friend and love you just as much. I will still be there if you need somebody and I will accept whatever choices you make. Should you choose to go down a rocky path, I will be there to hold your hand or to help pull you out of the path with God's strength, should you be willing. I just wish for your sake that you will not have to go through the hurt that I and many others have gone through, though not quite in the exact same way. But then perhaps, there are just some lessons we have to learn through personal experience in order to draw closer to God.

I guess this is all I have to say. Don't draw away from me ok? I will still listen when you need to talk about it. And I will try my very best to support you in the ways you need, with God's help. Love you much...

Yet when He heard that Lazarus was sick, He stayed where He was two more days. - John 11:6

Delays in our life are not always easy to handle or to reconcile in our minds. Often, when God does not answer our prayers in the time that we feel He should, we appoint all sorts of characteristics to God's nature that imply He does not care. Such was the case with Lazarus' sisters when Lazarus became ill and died. Jesus was a close friend to Lazarus and his two sisters, Mary and Martha. (Mary, you may recall, was the woman who came and poured perfume on Jesus' feet.) When Jesus arrived two days later, Martha shamed Him by saying, "If You had come he would not have died." She implied that He didn't care enough to come when sent for. It was a matter of priorities for Jesus, not lack of love.

God often has to delay His work in us in order to accomplish something for His purposes that can be achieved only in the delay. Jesus had to let Lazarus die in order for the miracle that was about to take place to have its full effect. If Jesus had simply healed a sick man, the impact of the miracle would not have been as newsworthy as resurrecting a man who had been dead for four days. This is Jesus' greatest "public relations act" of His whole ministry. What many do not realize is that the key to the whole story is in the next chapter.

Many people, because they had heard that He had given this miraculous sign, went out to meet Him. So the Pharisees said to one another, "See, this is getting us nowhere. Look how the whole world has gone after Him!" (John 12:18-19)

If Jesus had not raised Lazarus from the dead, there would have been no crowds to cheer the Lord when He came into Jerusalem riding on a donkey.

God often sets the stage so that His glory is revealed through the events that He orchestrates. He did this with Moses and Pharaoh, allowing delay after delay for release of the Israelites from Egypt. He did this with Abraham and Sarah for the promised child, Isaac. God granted Sarah a baby past the age of childbearing in order to demonstrate His power.

God did this in my own life. He delayed the fulfillment of what I believed He called me to do for several years. But the delays provided the necessary preparation and greater glory that God was to receive. My friend, don't take the delays lightly. Do not faint as God places you in what seems to be a holding pattern. God is at work. God knows the purposes for His delays. Don't give up, for they are for His greater glory; so we need to remain faithful.

Is it possible to let go without forgetting?

Dear God,

Thank You for this day. Please help me to stand firm and to always give myself fully to Your work. I know that anything that is done for You in accordance to Your will is not in vain, but will reap showers of blessings. Although I may not always see immediate results or receive instant gratification, I know that You are the Lord of the harvest, and that You will bring the results in the right time. Please guide, direct, and strengthen me. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

It's been a long time. Not even sure why i'm back cos i dun even feel like writing. The past 2 weeks must have been the worst in my life for as far as i can remember. The downs are really getting me down. On some level, I feel like a wreck. People who don't know me all that well would think that I'm ok. It felt terrible trying to pretend everything was alright today, even if it was to strangers. Things took a turn for the better on Fri, or at least i thought i was out of the fire, but now it doesn't feel so great. Sometimes i wonder if i'm deluding myself. I used to take pleasure in the nights and weekends cos those were the only times I could rest. Now, I dread the nights, and any other waking moments of free time. That's why I try to occupy myself all day. But only to find that on top of feeling miserable, I feel tired and sick too. Am tired of not finding pleasure in eating anymore. Am tired of being mopey. Am tired of thinking. Am tired of the pain in my heart.

I know God has been speaking. I'm grateful. I really am. And I know I just need to let go. I know. I just don't know how.