26 November 2007
posted by j at 11/26/2007 12:59:00 AM

She was looking for Tabasco sauce. We went up and down the aisle it was supposed to be placed. Twice. Two pairs of eyes. And we're both the detailed sort you know. Nothing. We went another aisle to pick up wasabi, then C headed for the crowded counter to pay. I refused to give up. Since it would take some time before it was her turn, I decided to try looking one more time. I tell you, I scoured what seemed like every nook and cranny (I once heard someone say "crook and nanny"...heehee) in that aisle. Nothing. So I gave up. Just then, as I was trying to squeeze past some people in that overcrowded aisle, I happened to turn to my right, and there at face level, hidden deep inside the dark, rusty shelf was the elusive sauce! It was soooooo deep inside that even when I reached in as far as I could, I still could not quite grab hold of it...had to use something else to like 'hook' it out lor...then ran for dear life to the counter before it was too late....

I kinda had an epiphany after this episode. Mundane as it may have been. Sometimes when we look too hard for something, we may not find it. Perhaps if we didn't look so hard, what we were looking for may just pop up where we least expect it, when we least expect it.
 
23 November 2007
posted by j at 11/23/2007 06:26:00 PM

Guess what? Today I heard something in Watson's which kinda made my head spin...but on some level, I also found it hilarious...*heh* (ok, but then I find a lot of things funny...)

Ok, to get my point across, I need your imagination to be present yah? (I was going to say "Close your eyes and imagine..." but then I realised that if you did, you wouldn't be able to continue reading the rest of it...heeheehee..) Ok, you know the song '12 Days of Christmas'? You do? Ok, good...Now sing that in your head...Imagine right, that you sing the entire song all the way to the twelfth day....i.e. you sing the song over and over again, 12 times, each time getting longer and more repetitive....(only thing keeping you going is probably the challenge of remembering the words and the order of the paraphernalia that happens..)...all the way till you reach..

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!

Tiring right? Repetitive right? Tedious right? You think that's bad? Try LISTENING to an INSTRUMENTAL version of the song....it sounded like a broken record playing...by the end of it I was rushing to get outa the store...
 
21 November 2007
posted by j at 11/21/2007 12:44:00 AM


This was found on the back of a package containing some microfibre cloth thingy... I just wanted to know what the cloth could be used for... I SOO do not feel enlightened after reading this...
 
20 November 2007
posted by j at 11/20/2007 01:56:00 PM

Heard this over the radio today...

“有时候孤单能是寂寞, 也可能是自由 。。。能安慰自己的人比较容易快乐。。。”
 
11 November 2007
posted by j at 11/11/2007 04:30:00 PM

It's been a long time since I've had the leisure of spending alone-time at home on a sunday afternoon, and not have to think about rushing for this or that. I think I used to think more time to think and that kept my brains oiled. With age catching up and the busyness of life, there seems less time to consider...things. You know, like, planning ahead, evaluating your own actions, thinking about people and things....just having time alone with random thoughts. I think I miss that most when I think about school life in general. I miss the long rides on the bus cos that's one of the times I have the liberty to think since I'm quite unable to read or do anything else constructive on public transport. Now that I drive most of the time, the plus is that I get to most places faster than ever and, to some extent, I'm in control of the time I arrive at my destination. But then, I also use my brain cells less since I can hardly mull or daydream while driving. Instead, I kill my braincells concentrating on the roads and fighting murderous thoughts directed at maniac drivers whose sole ambition in life seems to be nothing else but to be a pain in the *** for everyone else around. But I digress...

Today was a peaceful Lord's Day for me, with plenty of thoughts to chew on. I visited a church in the east today and gleaned much from the sermon. It was nice to sit alone in some corner where no one knew me, and nicer still to not be rushing for some committee meeting or music practice. The sermon was on Haggai. I like how the speaker gave pretty much a full commentary on the background of the text and whatever else was relevant for a clear understanding of the sermon. For once, if didn't seem that the chief concern was time constraint.

Consider your ways...
  1. You have planted much, but have harvested little.
  2. You eat, but never have enough.
  3. You drink, but never have your fill.
  4. You put on clothes, but are not warm.
  5. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it.
I don't know about you, but these sound terrible! It's like everything you do comes to naught. Humans hate to feel helpless. Everyone wants to be able to achieve something based on their effort/merit, or to be able to help someone else with their own strength. I think that's human nature. So to reach the above state, where NOTHING you do makes any sort of difference, is a terrible state to be in!

What the speaker said would probably ring a bell in many of our hearts. I think we would, at some point of time, have told ourselves..."Now I'm having exams so I need the time to study, I'll come back to church when exams are over and I'm freer. Then I can devote more time to God." or "I'm really broke right now after paying for ***, I'll stave off offering/tithing for a bit till my debts are paid and am richer" or "I'm still in the critical stages of building my career, I'll serve in church when things at work are more stable and I'm more established in my job." ...And yet the thing is we often find that this time or money that we promised to give God in the future never quite comes because what we are aiming for either never comes or what we possess is never quite enough. Hence, "drinking, but always thirsty", "eating but never having enough", "putting on clothes but not warm"...etc. Isn't it sad to be living a life that's always wanting and never able to enjoy satisfaction?

It was, in a sense, a paradigm shift for me, to consider that God, in asking His people to build His temple, was in fact helping them to establish His presence among them so that their priority system would change. The reason why they were never felt satisfied with whatever they strove to do, was because they were looking for satisfaction in the wrong places. As long as we look for satisfaction in the things of the world, we will never be satisfied. We're continually thirsty because we're drinking from the wrong source.

This speaks strongly to me not just because of certain issues I face, but also because I look at many people around me (particularly non-believers) and I realise that there are so many unhappy people out there. And I don't mean 'unhappy' as a sort of emotion you get from one-off incidents which happen to people. It's this general 'aura' (for lack of a better word)...a kind of deep, hollow, emptiness which they try to fill with all sorts of things, but can never quite fill the gap adequately. And that's cos they're running around like headless chickens trying to taste water from all the sources they can find, thinking each time that perhaps this may be the answer to their search. Drinking from the wrong source. Even believers are susceptible. Why? Because sometimes unknowingly, we succumb to the values of the world, and we establish a system of priority which says...
"When I have enough, I'll give my attention to God."
Question is...when will we ever have enough?

As always, God's promise is wonderful. This is what He says,
"If you honour Me first, I'll make sure you are satisfied."
When we honour God, our values and priorities change. Indeed it is difficult to be in this world but not of this world. But I'm glad for brothers and sisters-in-Christ, for timely words spoken and for God's promises which never fail. Not even with the test of time.
Are you drinking from the right source?
 
posted by j at 11/11/2007 02:18:00 AM

"It's like sitting by the sea on a high cliff. There's a calm that's reassuring. A view that's breathtaking. And an affirmation that comes from heaven, where God watches over."
 
05 November 2007
posted by j at 11/05/2007 12:26:00 AM

Sigh. I really should have posted this when my thoughts and feelings were most FRESH.

Was channel surfing yesterday night and happened to settle on a movie. Had no idea what movie it was but some time into the movie I found out the title. Unfaithful. Was a most disturbing show.

Basically, it's about a typical American family...husband, wife and child.... Wife meets a tall, dark stranger (who's quite a bit younger), falls in love with him and has an affair with him. Lives a double life for a period of time having fun on both ends - perfect wife and mother on one end and vibrant lover on the other. It is inevitable that the husband finds out. I think it's far easier for a man to lie his way through, than for a woman. Women tend to wear their feelings on their sleeves. It is obvious when their hearts are elsewhere.

Anyway, what happens next is that the husband finds out where the stranger lives and pays him a visit. His intent was, I guess, not so much to seek revenge, but rather to satisfy his curiosity. I really felt for the husband. He chose to swallow his pride and suppress his pain, just so he could find out why his wife was discontented with their marriage and life as it was. I think on some level, he wanted to know what the stranger was giving her that he was unable to, and I think...he wanted to experience what she came into contact with....what she did, where she sat, what she enjoyed....etc. In a way, it was sick. I think I would never want to be in the same room as the rival. In fact, if I were him, I wouldn't even want to be in the same room as the wife ever again. The betrayal would be too much to bear. And actually, the husband did feel sick. Literally. He was dizzy and all. Especially after he discovered his wife had given the stranger as a present, something HE had given his wife. I felt really, really, sad for him. (Richard Gere was excellent in his portrayal of a betrayed husband) And then, most abruptly, he suddenly smashed the gift (it was hard ok) onto the top of the stranger's skull. The stranger tottered over and then fell heavily to the floor. The bleeding was insane. The whole scene was so surreal! I was half expecting the stranger to get up. But then after a minute or so of insane bleeding, I concluded that it was going to be quite impossible. He was as dead as a doornail.

By this time, I was feeling quite sick myself. But although this show probably comes under the category of MORBID, there were a lot of interesting themes and feelings at play. I wish I was a literature major and able to discuss all these in a coherent way at length. Rage, guilt, curiosity, desire, discontent, deceit, lust, horror, fear, insanity, sorrow...

The husband was, I think, going to turn himself in after the deed. He sat at the scene of crime a long time, even picking up the phone to dial 911. But it was a phone message which came in at that moment, that stopped him. It was his wife, leaving a message in tears, her voice racked with guilt. She had called to put a halt to their illicit affair. I think that jolted the husband out of his daze. Her call reminded him that he still valued his marriage and still loved his wife. And in that instant, he made the decision to take one more shot at making his marriage work, regardless of the price he had to pay. So he cleaned the scene up, got rid of the body and tried to pretend everything was ok.

As with real life, your crimes always catch up with you. One way or another. His wife found out about the deed and out of love (and possibly guilt) helped him to cover up. But they both could not live with the guilt for long, even though they wanted to so much to leave the place and start anew somewhere far away. The show ended with them both sitting in their car, at a traffic junction (green lights) just outside a police station, with their son sleeping peacefully at the back of the car. Both were weeping softly and seeking solace in each other's arms.

One scene I could not forget was one of the wife who, after the horror of discovering what her husband had done, had a flashback of the moment she first met the stranger in the street, right at the beginning of the movie. What really happened was she had accepted his offer to step into his apartment to get her wound dressed, in spite of her better judgement. And that was probably how it all started. But what the wife saw, in her mind's eye, at this point of the movie, was a scene of how she had met the stranger, DECLINED his offer to go up to his apartment, and instead hopped onto the next available cab and waved goodbye. Somewhat like Sliding Doors. Very thought-provoking.

Reminded me of how my bible teacher often told us about how Temptation works, and how we should always nip it in the bud right from the beginning, before it gets too difficult to handle. She always says, "It's like going down a slippery slope, once you start, you can't stop." How true it is in this case.

I blame the wife you know. Really I do. Maybe cos I could see his pain and anguish. Or maybe because I don't think she could be excused for what she did. No one should be. That's like the worst form of betrayal in marriage. And you know what else is bad? The fact that affairs like this are getting more rampant. Esp on the part of the husband. More than we know and realise. Sure puts a dampener on Marriage. Doesn't help that a friend mentioned a colleague who feels the need to 'maintain' herself so that her husband wouldn't lose interest....SO depressing!

But I guess I shouldn't be surprised huh? Afterall, this is part of what God warns us would happen...
 
04 November 2007
posted by j at 11/04/2007 11:38:00 PM

Today, for no good reason, I decided to compile a list of reasons why I like music...*heh*

....because...
  1. It makes me happy =)
  2. When I'm down, it always manages to soothe my soul. Esp when I'm 'forced' to sing along. (e.g. during worship services etc)
  3. I love the way melody interweaves with harmony and blends with the accompaniment. (for songs that I can appreciate of course) It's so amazing how it all fits together so beautifully. Like poetry. I especially love duets and a cappella singing.
  4. It paints images in my head. Different genres of songs paint different pictures and summons different emotions and memories.
  5. It is able to reduce me to tears and soften my hardened heart.
  6. Many a times, it is a language in itself and needs no explanation.
  7. God has used music many times to touch my soul and to minister to me in a way I cannot explain adequately. He's used music to speak to me, address my hurts, remind me of the enormity of His love and show me a fraction of His heartbeat for the lost.
I love music =) I just wish I could do more, learn more, contribute more...be more creative with it.
 
posted by j at 11/04/2007 11:21:00 PM

Had a sudden urge to listen to 90.5FM today. Cos' it makes me think of you. Reminds me of the times you used to message me to tune in, whenever you heard a good song over 90.5. Which reminds me of a whole other host of things. Feels like so long ago...wonder where all that went....did I do something wrong or did I simply slip through the cracks of your busy life? Guess I'll never know.
 
03 November 2007
posted by j at 11/03/2007 03:21:00 PM

I feel like an idiot.

I'm physically tired right now but I'm simply unable to go to sleep for a much needed rest. This usually happens when I exercise too late at night. Can't make myself fall asleep cos my mind is too alert. Must be the adrenalin. But then, today seems exceptionally bad. As in I really really really cannot sleep! And yet, on my way back from ecp, I was falling asleep at the wheel. Felt like a really long ride and was struggling to stay awake then. Now!? Duh.

But that's not why I feel like an idiot.

Earlier this morn, I was so sure that the fault was the organiser's. And in a way it is. But when the initial indignation wore off and the exhaustion came on, I started to feel the fault was mine. Went for a team triathlon today. 2 of my male colleagues did the swim and cycling portion, while I was supposed to do the run. We had signed up for the Mini challenge because the Sprint was full already. So that's just 750m swim in the sea, 10km of cycling and 2km run. Sounds manageable right? I mean 2 km is less than what I normally run anyway! So should have been ok right?? Noooo...I somehow managed to mess that up =(

The route was one that required participants to make a u-turn at the midpoint, because the starting point was also the end point. So I timed myself, you know, going by my usual running pace, I should be at the midpoint by about 5 min into the run, max 6 min. And in my head I was thinking, I could afford to run faster than my usual pace since the distance is shorter than usual. So off I went, going past quite a number of people along the way. And then, it was strange but, as I ran, I got assaulted by doubts. Like, "how come everyone's running so slowly? Am I too fast? Maybe later I'm going to run out of reserve energy if I go at this pace..." and then I just ran and ran....and I started wondering how come it was taking me so long to get to the midpoint. But everyone was just running and running...there were people ahead of me samore. So I thought can't be wrong. 10 min later I still had not made the turn. I was really worried but I had passed some road martials along the way, and no one had indicated that it was time to turn, so I started thinking that maybe I made a mistake and that there was a finishing line elsewhere, not at the starting area. (Don't ask me how I came to that conclusion) I'm beginning to hate my brain. By the time I REALLY wanted to ask somebody if i was on the wrong track, it was too late, the road martials didn't seem to be along that stretch, but there were still participants in front of me. So I was really confused and didn't know what to do. Just then, this guy whizzed by on his bike saying,"2km run? Turn around, y'all overshot!" I was so upset and angry. My legs had turned to lead by then, since I had been running at '2 km' speed for more than 2km and had the same distance to run back. I was totally demoralised and my legs were threatening to cramp on me all the way back. Both legs.

The run back felt like eternity. Along the way, the fact that this was waaaaay longer than 1km not only sank in, it was slapping me hard in the face. Given the frequency I run, it was unforgivable that I did not manage to pick that up much earlier. It was as if my common sense had abandoned me today. I was totally running on reserve an under by the time I got back to the main competition area with the tentages and all. I felt really really sick, but being my usual competitive self, I simply had to overtake a couple more people on the way to the finish line. After which, immediately after I stepped past the 'mat', I ran to a corner to throw up. Projectile. Eeew. I hope no one took any pictures. Feel like such a loser.

I sat down to rest. Then tried to stand. And found to my horror, that both my legs were cramping up. So down I sat again. Sigh.

Oh well, I know the post sounds really bad. But actually I'm not feeling all that bad. At least I managed to have a much needed workout. Throwing up was not really a problem. And it was my first such race in a long time. The real first was a long time ago and it wasn't quite like this. So I'm glad for the new experience. I also found a nice prawn noodle place at the hawker centre (yes, I had to replenish my tummy) and rediscovered the char siew noodle shop that D, LH and I used to frequent for supper after our long runs at ecp eons ago. In addition to the 'run' workout, after my cramps subsided I also had a 'walk' workout, since dodo me had happily gone to order a sugarcane drink, only to find that I'd left my wallet in the car. So I told the uncle I'd come back later for it. I so regretted ordering that drink, when I realised that in my tired state, the car park was SUPER FAR from the hawker centre. I'd gladly have gotten into the car and driven straight home. But I couldn't bear not going back for the drink I ordered after promising to do so. So, I had the pleasure of walking past the cable ski park a grand total of 4 times today. Ha. One day I must try. Also wanna try SKIING. I should really do all these things before I get too old for everything.

I think, actually, my biggest regret or slump of the day, was not the fact that I ran more or that I threw up or that I'm feeling hot and headachey as I write, but that I wasted the efforts of my team mates, who had put in their best in their events. Feel so bad that I dragged the team down with my stupidity. I should have just opened my golden mouth earlier to ask. Sigh.

I feel like an idiot.