31 May 2007
posted by j at 5/31/2007 10:54:00 AM

Never stick your nose where you are not wanted.
 
29 May 2007
posted by j at 5/29/2007 04:17:00 PM

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive,double-pane energy-efficient kind. Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I had not paid for them yet.

Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year... namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

"Helllooooo..." (I told him). "It's been a year!"

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up.... He hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting the guarantee they made me.

Bet he won't underestimate a blonde anymore.
 
23 May 2007
posted by j at 5/23/2007 09:17:00 PM

Today one of the random thoughts I had was about the human body. Those who have studied the human body, even to a minimal extent would know, and be amazed at how our bodies have been so intricately designed. Only God could come up with a 'system' that works so ... flawlessly.

Not even sure why I suddenly thought about this. Maybe it's got to do with having some form of deficiency in the blood, and how the body somehow apparently 'compensated' for that. Or so I speculate. Our bodies adjust to our environments better than we even realise sometimes. Whenever we lack something we need, as much as possible, our bodies try to produce or compensate for it, somehow. For that, I'm thankful.

Psalm 139
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

 
posted by j at 5/23/2007 12:44:00 AM




...but I found this really sweet and couldn't resist taking snapping a shot from behind...

 
posted by j at 5/23/2007 12:09:00 AM


 
22 May 2007
posted by j at 5/22/2007 11:53:00 PM

Had a serious talk with my class last week. Some might say I scolded them. But honestly, I didn't raise my voice at them, but I think they could tell I was upset/disappointed with them. With what, I shall not say. There's no need. But I do know they've been trying to do better. Here's what I received from them a couple of days after the episode.







And then this HUGE vanguard sheet came another couple of days later...was quite touched cos there were signatures and messages on it...




=)
 
posted by j at 5/22/2007 12:01:00 AM

God is so good. I'm so thankful for the many mercies He showers on our way, especially when the corners are tight.

These past few weeks have been crazy. I've been so stressed, but I didn't quite realise how much pressure I was putting on myself until I exploded on sat. I've been procrastinating in much of my work because there's just so much to do I don't know where to start. Thinking about it just makes my head ache. And yet, in spite of not doing as much as I ought to, the pressure was still there, if not more. I guess I asked for it, because procrastinating only made the pressure stay a longer period of time.

I've been fighting fire after fire these few weeks. Lesson observations, setting of common test papers, marking of assignments to prepare for file checks, marking of common test, keying in of marks, CCA, project work...there's just no end to it! I'm no multi-tasker when all these things descend upon me at the same time. I can only fight one battle at a time. Even my sleep and exercise regime took a backseat. It was all I could do to continue to practise my music in time for weekly lessons and complete my bsf homework!

By some blurness on my part (which turned out to be blessings in disguise), I completed the keying in of marks, remarks and attendance early because I saw the wrong date. The deadline's supposed to be tomorrow, but I thought it was last friday. So I've already completed it. Thank God! See? There can be good things coming out of my absentmindedness=)

Now, all that's weighing on my mind and taking up most of my time is my marking. The backlog of assignments which had to take a backseat because of all the other urgent matters. And it's because these aren't done that I haven't been able to submit my classes' files to my HOD for checking. She's been quite patient as it is, asking me about them from time to time but never losing her temper at me over that. But I feel bad. Sometimes I even take to avoiding her, so that I don't get reminded of that 'thing' hanging over me. It's been plaguing me you know. Not being able to hand up those files. And I've even toyed with the idea of 'cheating', as in, since we're only supposed to randomly pick 10 files out of each class to submit, I could easily just mark 10 of each assignment just to hand in the 10 files, and that would buy me some time to mark the rest later. But today on the way to school, I prayed about it. Asked God to give me a way out of this situation so I wouldn't have to resort to that and give in to temptation. And I honestly felt the burden lifted off my shoulders. For once, I didn't have the feeling that there was something hanging over me. I was resolved that I would just tell my HOD that I couldn't finish the marking but would complete it over the holidays. I didn't know if God would do something, nor did I know what God would do if he did, but I just entrusted it to Him and hoped for the best. Still, my heart sank a little when later this morning my HOD beckoned me while I was in the canteen. Just as I have been dreading, she asked me for my files once again. I told her that the students were due to hand me their files by tomorrow and also that I couldn't finish the marking. To my surprise, she not only wasn't the least bit angry, she was, on the contrary, very understanding. You know what she even told me? She told me that it was ok to just mark 10 assignments and hand in to her first, then take my time to do the rest over the hols! Gee...I was so surprised. I think she understood that our marking load is REALLY heavy. To say I was surprised, is an understatement actually. I was SHOCKED! It was as if the 'dishonest' thing became legalised =)

I'm just so thankful to God. For putting me under an understanding boss. For giving me more time to complete my work. And for honouring my prayer so that I wouldn't be tempted to sin.

Now, I just hope I can finish those 10 assignments for each piece of work, fast.
 
20 May 2007
posted by j at 5/20/2007 12:28:00 AM








See any difference between this....











....and this?



That's right! I only have 3(?), 2(?) knuckles??! Heh.









































It's worse today. I officially have manly hands now.



Don't ask.
 
18 May 2007
posted by j at 5/18/2007 07:51:00 PM

I need a regular jogging/swimming partner! A disciplined one, at least, more disciplined than me. So far, my 'agreement' with people have not stood for very long. It cannot be me pushing others all the time. Need a fixed day, a regular affair....and people/a person to push me beyond my present 'standard'. Feel stagnant, no...feel like I've deteriorated! Arrgh. Would love to join a marathon (I mean not a full one) sometime. While I still can.

Been a long time since I ran by the beach...=(
 
17 May 2007
posted by j at 5/17/2007 11:59:00 AM

I'm done with my marking!! =)

That's half the battle done, but still, I'm grateful =) Praise God!

Now I have to complete the keying in of marks, attendance and remarks for the kids' report books by tomorrow. And then start on my backlog of marking. Deadline was due a long time ago. Hope I don't get chased by my boss...

A special thanks to an old friend (not the one mentioned in a previous post) for the support he gave last night =) It's a pleasant coicidence that just as I was going to post some thoughts on how much I appreciate God placing good friends in my life to take care of me and check on me, another proof of that appears! All glory be to God! Will talk more about those thoughts on another occasion. Need to think about that one to actualise it into words. For now, old friend, accept my heartfelt thanks and appreciation for staying up with me last night as I struggled to finish my marking. Thank you for your many words of encouragement and steadfast company. I did not ask it (how do u ask someone to lose sleep for you right?), but you gave it anyway. =) Thank you!

It's the company that makes battles easier to bear.
 
15 May 2007
posted by j at 5/15/2007 03:42:00 PM

Endangered...soon to be extinct if we aren't careful...

This topic has come up time and time again. But it never quite hit me until recently. Commitment is a word which carries little weight these days. To the younger ones, it may even mean nothing to them. But it means a lot to me, because it is a promise that goes beyond circumstances, the unexpected, and the present. Perhaps it is also because of today's decline in the worth of commitment that I treasure it all the more, God's commitment to us. His covenant with His people that extends beyond what we can imagine. Our commitment is limited, some don't even take it to heart. Why else would there be so many divorces around? His commitment is limitless. He loves us no matter how we change, how we look, what we say...that is His nature and it will never change.

Last week, I had a conversation with a friend. She was particularly frustrated at a situation on her hands. The lack of commitment to the ministry she was serving in really upset her. And I can quite understand that feeling. In an attempt to make her feel better, I attributed the lack of commitment to age or lack of maturity. But when I went home, I asked myself, "Does age really make a whole world of difference to your perception of commitment? Does it mean that youngsters are not expected to be committed to what they 'commit' to because they have a valid excuse of age to hide behind? Conversely, does it also mean that with age comes commitment? That all those deemed old enough or no longer a youth would and should be able to be held accountable to his/her commitment?" Perhaps what she said that night was right. The value and merit of commitment should be instilled in the young while they are still in their youth. Afterall, there ARE irresponsible adults around. They MUST have started somewhere...But the question is how? From my experience with youths at school, it's not easy to teach them these things. Would they even want to listen? Afterall there are so many bad examples around, some of which we ourselves may be guilty of.

Commitment to people and to ministry in the christian circle is greatly underrated these days. Commitment has been relegated to a status on the same level as convenience. In fact, on many levels these two words have become somewhat like synonyms. Commitment to a ministry, means setting aside the prescribed time to do whatever it is. NOT attending the programmes/meetings/practices only when there's nothing better or more interesting to do. That is why commitment involves sacrifice. Sometimes, commitment means having to give up something u would really rather do. But our consolation is that God sees the sacrifices we make and He will honour those sacrifices. Sometimes we don't realise it but our commitment towards God's ministries does affect people around us sometimes. How we treat these ministries we commit ourselves to can either work to encourage others around, or work to demoralise our co-workers. Over the years I've heard so many excuses....too tired, too much to do, got some other commitment, got gathering with old friends, got to meet girlfriend or boyfriend... and the list goes on...

When it comes to relationships, the situation now is even more dismal. I look at my students and feel afraid for them. When I see the attitudes they carry toward their 'girlfriends' and 'boyfriends', I cannot help but wonder if this is what things are going to be like for them when they grow older. I can't help but wonder if they will be able to stay committed to their future spouse or not.

Personally, it's also difficult not to NOT be disillusioned with the commitment that humans give. People can just come and go, just like that. Words count for nothing. Promises are easily forgotten. It's difficult not to have a 'once bitten twice shy' attitude. It's difficult to believe in people.

We're learning the book of Philippians in BSF now. Have learnt much and am reminded that He is in control of everything that happens in our lives, in my life. He doesn't need me to believe in people, He only needs me to believe that He is there every step of the way and that things He allows to happen, both good and bad, happen with His knowledge and with His purposes behind them.

Ok..now to be joyful...=P
 
14 May 2007
posted by j at 5/14/2007 02:10:00 AM

Fundraising organised by OM. Anybody interested? It's on the 26th of this month. That's next Saturday, not the coming one. Dunno the details yet, but would like to try. Will call for details soon. Lemme know if any of you guys (and I don't literally mean guys only, you know that right?) are interested ok?

Read about it here.
 
12 May 2007
posted by j at 5/12/2007 09:52:00 PM

An old friend caught up with me yesterday. I can't even remember when was the last time we had our last contact. But I do remember two distinct occasions in the past. That must have been more than a decade ago.

The first time this friend visited was when I was in primary school. I remember I had a bout of illness which eventually landed me in hospital for a week or so. I can't remember what the problem was, but I do remember going to the bathroom while I was at home and then suddenly feeling dizzy and before I knew it, I blacked out and in falling, hit the bathtub with a loud bang. Think this was what sent someone running to the bathroom to find me in a heap.

The second time this friend came avisiting was when I was in secondary school. I remember we were doing this (spastic) horseshoe formation for girl guides (yes i was a girl guide...cut the sniggering out man!) and it was super hot. Like I-can-so-cook-an-egg-on-anyone's-head hot. And we had to stand still for an infinite amount of time, while wearing our stupid uniform AND hat. I tell you, it was just asking for trouble lah. After like 2 hours in the sun and wearing things which do not allow perspiration to escape into the atmosphere for evaporation, I started seeing stars.

Perhaps from that second visit till now, my old friend visited me during that long interval, but honestly I cannot remember. But in spite of not being able to remember which other time this old friend might have come to visit, one thing is vivid however. I can always remember the visit itself.

I went running on friday evening. Thought I'd squeeze in a run just before going to church for music practice. The last run I did outdoors was barely a week ago. Did about 5 km, along the mrt line and then back, taking about 30min to complete. I was eager to beat or at least match that previous record. And so I set off at a good pace. All felt well. I was going at a consistent pace. Then about a km down the line, the traffic lights were not in my favour as before. So I stopped to wait for the lights to change. But soon as I stopped, a sick feeling swept over me. Almost as if it was running behind me all this while and only just caught up as I stopped.

It was a really strange feeling. Strange yet sickeningly familiar. The first sensation I was aware of, was this sudden deafness. It was as if someone had switched off my hearing, first in one ear, then the other. And then would come this faint buzzing in the ear that just got louder and louder. Then before you can get over this weird sensation, you suddenly become aware that there's something not quite right with your vision either. It's as if someone switched your tv for a black-and-white one. And then after a while, if it isn't bad enough your tv got swapped, your vision starts to blur and go haywire.

The past two times this old friend came, I was with people I knew. This time however, I was alone. Standing at a crowded junction with a bunch of strangers. I refused to show that anything was wrong. I cannot remember ever concentrating this hard on staying conscious. I told myself there was no way I was going to collapse on the street. In that 10 seconds or so which ensued, it felt like a battle of wills. Mine against my old friend's. All that traffic sound around didn't help. It sounded as if many alarm bells and horns were going off and rebounding in my head. Everything was SO loud! And NOISY! It was all I could do to keep from flinching. The sounds were so loud, it felt almost like physical blows.

I don't know how I even managed to follow the other pedestrians across the road. In that time, I felt like I had gone into a trance and I had gone into a different dimension. How do I explain this? It's like...I was super keenly aware of a lot of things around me and yet I wasn't aware of what was going on actually. At some point of time, while I was in the middle of the road, I suddenly snapped out of my 'trance' and became aware of where I was and what I was doing. I was surprised to see I had even made it across the road. How did I manage to see the green man and instructed my legs to move?? I really don't know. After my senses returned, all I was aware of then was my cold, clammy skin. I didn't trust myself to walk very much more. So I rested at the bus stop, tried to grit my teeth and push myself on to slow jog to the next bus stop. But I only jogged for a while more before eventually slowing to a walk. I was afraid I'd really faint. Who knows if anyone would even bring me home?? So in the end, I just walked really slowly for about 2km, back home.

So scary. Wonder why my old friend is back. After so long. I never even knew why he visits in the first place.
 
08 May 2007
posted by j at 5/08/2007 12:10:00 PM

AARRGHH!! Lesson observation in 25 min!! AARRRGGH!! *panic panic panic* Why MUST the VP AND HOD come in???

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The aircon is down AGAIN... can't....breeaathee...

or maybe it's cos i'm panicking...
 
07 May 2007
posted by j at 5/07/2007 10:56:00 AM

...that pessimism is a form of self-protection? Expecting the worst and not hoping for too much makes it less painful when the worst happens. After all, the higher the hopes, the harder the fall. Right?
 
04 May 2007
posted by j at 5/04/2007 11:18:00 AM

Well they're not actually my form class. Just one of my English classes. They're one of the most dodo amongst my classes lah. Sometimes I dunno whether to laugh or cry.

Today, out of the goodness of my heart(of course, I am also paid to teach them...), I taught them a vocab word - SPARSE. It appeared in one of their comprehension passages, so I asked them if they knew what it meant. As expected, they didn't. So I proceeded to explain. Basically told them that it just meant that there was very little of something and that it's usually used on things that are kinda scattered. It's normally used in the case of hair or grass. Of course, there would be others but I didn't see the need to explain in such full detail. I'd be thankful enough if they could remember what it meant.

Anyways, I always find it helpful to give examples with new words I teach them. I feel it helps them remember better. So I proceeded to ask them cheekily, "Which teacher do you think has SPARSE hair?" teeheeheee....All sort of names came out. Well, actually, there were basically two male teachers they pointed out. Mr O and Mr S. But mostly Mr O. Then after some giggling and joking, we went on to other questions.

10 min later, who should walk past the class but......MR O!!! The minute he started plodding past our classroom, all the heads followed him, one person shouted,"SPARSE!!" and the whole class roared with laughter. MAN! I WAS SOOOOO EMBARRASSED! Crap. Now I regret teaching them that word. After a long time, their sniggering finally subsided. But just when I thought it was over, Mr O walked past the classroom yet again! Of all days, he had to choose TODAY to walk past our class twice! I don't understand it. It's NEVER happened before. Soon as he came into view a second time, the whole class roared with laughter yet again. GEEZ! Surely he'd find it strange that our class was laughing everytime he came by??
 
posted by j at 5/04/2007 01:32:00 AM

This is a much delayed post. Been wanting to post some thoughts which arose from a conversation I had some time ago, with the colleague who sits next to me in the staffroom. But somehow in the busyness and all, it just grew less important and more distant, so I just put it off till now.

Having been placed in a christian 'setting' for a large part of my life, it's hard to understand what it's like to grow up in a non-christian 'setting'. It's kind of difficult to understand what it feels like to be on the other side of the wall, so called. By chance, I found out that the 2 new contract teachers that I get along relatively well with were both from Pei Hwa Primary, like me. And since then, there seemed to have sprung up an unseen sense of camaraderie from this unexpected knowledge. I know they're both non-christians, but at least now I know that they shouldn't be strangers to Christianity as a religion, and in all probability wouldn't be hostile to hearing me talk about anything connected to church and Christianity. Hence, I've been more open about my life. About church, missions, my church friends etc...

I talked about M going to Thailand to serve, about H going to Cambodia, about how I felt my role was to support them somewhat and hence I didn't think it was time for me to be leaving the country as yet. I talked about what good friends they are to me, some things we used to do together..silly or otherwise. And I was surprised by her reaction. I found out that she often does things alone and that her group of friends consisted of her secondary school friends, people she didn't seem to really enjoy hanging out with. (Perhaps that's why she does most things alone.) She talked about how they didn't understand her job and how they'd be horrified or disapproving of some of the more 'quirky' things we do to problematic students. (ahem, actually many of these quirky ideas came from me....in my defence, i think they're just more interesting ways of attempting to bend the students over to our will, rather than the regular methods. Most of them work anyway!)

Maybe it's cos her friends are from erm, a certain school. So they have certain fixed ideas about what's acceptable and not. To 'ladies' like them, getting students to run up and down the stairs as punishment is probably barbaric! Hmph. I've made my students do worse things and I think they're none the worse for it. In fact, some remember me for it! Bear in mind we're talking about students of a different calibre and background.

Back to the story, short of it is that other than this set of friends and her present set of colleagues, she didn't seem to have many other people to hang out with. And even then, she didn't even seem to enjoy hanging out with this group of friends! And this stood out in such sharp contrast to what I share with my close friends at church! I think this contrast was pretty deeply felt at that point of time, both to me and to her. And she was envious you know. She pretty much said so herself. She verbalised what I think I'd always known and yet taken for granted all this time. I have friends who will accept me for who I am, and yet love me enough to gently guide me to change my weaknesses; friends who will stand by me in difficult times and would take the time and effort to understand what I'm going through; companions I have no qualms doing silly things with or just spend time doing absolutely NOTHING with.

All these are blessings we often take for granted. It IS a blessing to have someone to call when we're feeling low/frustrated/dismayed and who would understand or at least be willing to listen. It IS a blessing to have close friends we can share our joys with the very first minute we can dash off to a phone. It IS such a blessing to have a shoulder to cry on. You know these people have no agenda being your friend and will never backstab you or betray you like those in the office might.

The phrase this colleague of mine kept repeating was (I don't know how to get chinese characters out at this point of time) "Hen(3) Nan(2) De(2)" which translates as "very difficult to get/find". And indeed this is so, though these are precisely things we take for granted. I felt very blessed indeed after that conversation. These are blessings God gives us in this big loving family of His, not everyone gets to enjoy this. There ARE times non-christians look upon this love we have for one another and feel envious. (though I also do not deny the opposite also happens, we do fall too) I think I felt sad for her. After more than 20 years of being in God's family, I cannot imagine not having my kakis around to eat with me(and burp audibly), sing with me(and harmonise), laugh (LOUDLY) with me, share with me, pray with me, cry with me.....you get the idea. I cannot imagine being in her shoes, having to do things alone and not be able to share her life with her friends because they wouldn't understand or because they'd judge her.

Thank you God for this family you've placed me in. Help me to be thankful everyday for the many blessings you grant me and open my eyes to see these blessings even when problems and negative things threaten to cloud my vision. Help me to not be a bad witness at my workplace, and where there are bad examples, help me not to focus on these and become bitter and discouraged, but to remember to look to You and not to Man. For only You are our perfect and righteous example.

Many have looked to Man, become bitter and fallen away, disgusted at those they deem to be hypocrites in the christian circle. But they fail to realise that no man will ever come close to being perfect. Christian or not, we WILL make mistakes and we WILL fall. The question is, will we focus on the big picture and on the artist of this picture, or will we fix our eyes on what we deem are the flaws in the picture and thereby judge this picture based on these flaws?
 
03 May 2007
posted by j at 5/03/2007 08:21:00 PM

The wound has healed. But the scar will always be there. Ugly and misshapen. Why? Because it was not handled with care, nor dressed properly, while it was healing. Now that the wound has closed, nothing anyone can do will make a difference to it anymore. Too much time has been let sit. Tried putting antiseptic on a scab? Any use? Any difference? Any feeling? Ditto that.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If in making a choice that would bring about 2 consequences: give yourself pleasure while bringing others pain, would you still make that choice?

In reality, I think people around us make that choice anyway, regardless of the consequences, because these days all that matters is how we ourselves feel. How others feel is their business, something they have to deal with on their own. It's none of our business. It takes a bigger, more sacrificial and loving person to choose not to make that decision. Perhaps only a tiny fraction of people make that choice to put another's interests before their own.

I think I once made a selfish decision. A long time ago. Although it was shortlived and the hurt wasn't as great to that person, nevertheless I know now it wasn't a loving action on my part. Now on hindsight, I realize how much I hurt that person. I'm sorry. Perhaps it was just as well God let me learn a lesson from another perspective.